Signing off

The negative postings and associated hard feelings are just not worth the pain and trouble for this blog.  I don't want to drag my family through anymore discomfort.  My purpose has not been to make anyone feel badly or be upset, but obviously, i have failed.  Poor judgment on my part, i suppose....Good luck everyone.  Signing off.  I won't be back.

KWA

The journey continues.....

Well, looks like i'm going to be hired to drive for May Trucking, based out of Brooks, Oregon.  Probably will start next week, operating as a solo company driver (won't repeat THAT same mistake).  Waiting for the paperwork to be processed before it's official.

Territory will be 11 western states, so home time will be far more frequent.  That's a high priority, as i want to be sure to see the girls as often as possible.

Very strange being back in Salem.  Everything seems so different -- i suppose because i am a different person than i was when i left.  So much has happened, good and bad.  Looking forward to connecting with the people who really count.  Don't really care about those who don't.  And that list is pretty well defined now.

I guess i wouldn't be true to the spirit of this blog if i didn't record that it appears the divorce was made official earlier this week.  Time for a new beginning.  Truly wishing good things for all concerned.

Doing a few odds and ends projects for the folks while i wait for the new job to begin.

Thanks to everyone for their support.

Stay safe....

KWA

Back in Salem....

Well, had a nice road trip with the parents, who came and picked me up from Salt Lake City after i dropped the truck off.

Back in Salem now.  First order of business, connecting with the girls.  Second order of business, getting a job and transportation.  Time to get to work.  Hope you all are well.

Stay safe....

KWA

Anonymous? Really?

I get such a kick out of those who post negative stuff anonymously.   It gives me free license to ignore their comments altogether.  Especially when they have no clue whatsoever what they are talking about....:-)

KWA

That's Ken Armstrong, 48, from Salem, Oregon.
kenarmstrong123@gmail.com

Going out in style....

For those who haven't already heard, i've had an eventful morning -- trying to turn around on a street in Valencia, CA i hit a fire hydrant and sheared it right off at the ground.  Had a water geyser shooting 40 feet in the air for a good half hour.  Didn't even scratch Charley.

Good news was that the cop who responded was a former truck driver and he didn't even issue me a warning.  Said the firefighters trying to fix it needed a shower anyway....

Pic at the left is where the hydrant USED to be.  Would have got a pic of the geyser but it was dark, so nothing to see.

Just dropped this load of baby formula in Valencia, and then on my way with an empty trailer to Salt Lake City where i'll drop the truck for good.  The folks are on their way to SLC to pick me up, so won't need to take the damn bus again.  God bless them.

Next step?  Don't really know.  I believe i'll keep the blog going just as a means to process all of this.  I think i'll start looking for a local truck driving job.  Lots of companies are hiring (CR England is training all of them and then they quit because they aren't making any money.).

So very hard not to comment on my feelings about the divorce, on which i seem to have just defaulted since i don't have an attorney and can't respond or do anything from the road.  Best not to though.  I'm learning that my words have an impact and i don't want to say something i regret.   And to the haters out there who think i deserve whatever bad stuff comes my way, you can go to hell. (little preemptive comment there....).

I'm going to choose to not let it impact me though, despite it leaving me with less than nothing.  It's not going to beat me.  I'm still a dad.  And i still have the ability to get a job.  And i have friends and family who care about me.

First order of business is going to be to get transportation.  Maybe it's time to get that motorcycle endorsement....

Oh, i also picked up a nail and got a flat tire this morning, so they've been fixing it while i write this.

Time to head north on the final long-haul journey for CR England -- Interstate 15 from LA to Salt Lake City.

More to come.

Stay safe....

KWA

It's over....

Well, today the grand experiment officially failed -- i quit.

I did the math and the next paycheck was going to be in the red.  Couldn't keep going like that.  All told, i averaged less than $200 in take-home pay per month for four months.  What a disaster.

Very, very disappointed.  Headed home to God-knows-what...a bitter divorce, no home, no car, no job.  Could be worse i guess.  At least i have the girls (i think).

Thanks for staying with me....

KWA

A dark cloud in sunny Arizona....

Well, i was going to take a break from the "heavy" and go with some lighter stuff for today's blog, because it's been a pretty good couple of days up to this point.

But i'm kind of bummed out right now -- my paycheck for the week was a grand total of $1.37.  Sigh.  Last week I was in the hole $35.  How does that work?  Well, i'm what they call a "lease-operator" as opposed to a company driver.  A lease operator is an independent contractor to CR England.  We lease the truck from England, and are responsible for all costs, including fuel, insurance, permits, etc.  My total fixed and variable costs for the week were almost $2,400.  I get paid $0.95 per mile.  I did about 2,500 miles for the week.  Needless to say, that's not sustainable.

We each have a Driver Manager, who is responsible for managing the dispatches and other issues for a fleet of about 80 drivers. My DM is pretty good, and we have a good relationship.  I told him about my situation and he's going to try to get me 3000+ miles this coming week.  I appreciate that, but it doesn't help when you can't eat today....

CR England pushes all students hard to be lease operators.  They claim that lease operators get priority dispatch on the best loads (i.e., most miles), which helps you make all kinds of money.  I think i bought in to the rhetoric and trusted that they have a good program worked out to help you at least stay afloat.  Clearly, that's not happening to me.

Not sure that this grand experiment isn't going to end in a ball of flames very, very soon....

Very discouraging, but trying to keep my chin up.  I wonder if Subway is hiring...i'm pretty familiar with their product.

Stay safe....

KWA

Continuing to paint a portrait....

Over 100 degrees in Phoenix, and about 18 hours early for my scheduled drop.  Sigh.  Lots of time to kill....

Oh, and for those who have expressed interest in the actual inside of the truck, here is a pic of my bunk, where i write this blog and try to escape the summer heat.  It's basically a regular size twin mattress. Note the cooler to the left of the photo, which plugs into a 12-volt car charger and keeps stuff 40 degrees cooler than the ambient temperature.  A nice birthday gift from the family!! :-)  Currently full of Mountain Dew, yogurt and string cheese.

To follow up a little more on yesterday's post:

I've wasted a lot of time over the years dwelling on what i am not, rather than what i am.  I think that contributes to the whole notion of not having a sense of self.  So in my continuing effort to correct that, here are a few of the things that i am:

1.  I'm a good dad.  There has certainly been major room for improvement, but it is a defining thing for me.
2.  I'm a good writer.  I've been a writer ever since i did my neighborhood newspaper while in grade school.
3.  I'm a pretty good hobbyist musician.
4.  I'm someone with boundless curiosity and a need to experience and explore new things.
5. I'm a person with a good heart who does not like to see people get hurt.  I can be a very good friend.

Of course, recognizing positives requires recognizing negatives:

1.  I get my feelings hurt too easily.
2.  I can hold a grudge for a long time.
3.  I tend to look to others for approval (this is getting better though).
4.  I often will say what i think others want to hear.
5.  I tend (like many of us) to look out for my interests/desires first.  I'd really like to change that.

So what's the point of all this?  Well, i feel like i'm kind of painting a self-portrait.  Something i've never honestly done.  And it's something that probably would not happen without the time for introspection afforded by this trucking gig.  And that's a gift.

I'm also getting a sense of what is important to me and what is not.  Things that are definitely NOT as important to me now (but which seemed so critical to me six months ago) include:  a country club membership and golf as often as i want, eating out all the time, drinking good wine, hanging out downtown so to be sure not to "miss" something that everyone was doing or talking about, having a large, beautiful home.....   God, that all seems so long ago....  On the last point, right now i don't even have a home!  Everything i own is either in storage or in this truck.  Again, not singing the blues.  I feel pretty blessed to be where i am right now, as i have a real chance to turn things around and make some serious life changes.  And i'm not even 50 yet!  Not everyone gets that chance.  Or is willing to take the chance....

Stay safe....

KWA

Thoughts from Route 66 in New Mexico

Parked at an indian casino rest stop in Casa Blanca, New Mexico.  Stopped earlier on Route 66 at Clines Corners, a famous rest stop on the historic route.  Pretty good biscuits and gravy -- but you really come more for the history than the food.  Had a green chili burger at the casino.  REALLY nice to have a change of pace from Subway, Arby's and peanut butter sandwiches.

I'm about 24 hours ahead of schedule to deliver this load of candy (Charms pops -- remember those?) bound for Phoenix, so i've got time to nose around (which is a LITTLE tough to do when you're pulling a 53-foot trailer.  You're kinda limited to places that take semi trucks).

Today was a slightly better day.  Many thanks for the messages via text, FB, etc. expressing support and love.  Friends and family mean everything from the road.  Without you it would be pretty unbearable.

Believe me though, i don't write this stuff in order to get the warm fuzzies....  Just trying to be honest about what is going on and hoping it makes sense.

I've been reflecting ;today on just what it is that makes one happy.  I guess -- as someone special suggested today -- that it comes down to finding a way to love yourself and not being dependent upon the approval or love of others.  I've leaned heavily on others for my sense of self, and it's been defined for me by wives, children, parents, friends and even those who i don't consider friends.  I think it has truly been that way my entire life.  I can't think of a phase of life when it wasn't more important to me what others thought about me than what i thought about myself.  And consequently, when you don't give much thought to self, it's hard to have a clear notion of who you ARE.  And how can you be happy when you're a stranger to yourself? That's a pretty fundamental concept.  I think of this a lot less as self-absorbed than i do healthfully introspective.

Alan Jackson sang, "...I learned who i was, a lot about living and a little 'bout love." in his song Chattahoochee.  For some reason, the first part of that lyric has always stuck with me.  I guess it's because i'm jealous of it.  Now, it may just be words that rhymed, but i choose to think he meant it.  And if so, he's got something pretty big figured out.

So at this stage, what would i say about knowing who I am and what's important to me, rather than what has been defined for me? (not in any particular order):

1.  People are more than what i can get from them.  And they are worth forgiving.  No matter what.
2.  Honesty is more important than anything.  And being honest with myself is the heart of it.
3.  I don't want to waste time doing something that doesn't move me with some passion.
4.  Words -- written and verbal -- are important.  They mean something. I will only use them when i mean it.
5.  Family will always be there.  I hope i can do the same for them.
6.  I only want to invest time in my obligations and in what pleases me, not what others want me to do.
8.  Children are a responsibility and a gift.  I have more to give them than i have so far....
9.  Real friends are hard to come by.  Keeping them is harder still.  This highway is littered with former ones.
10.  Whatever i do, i'm going to do it well.  And if i'm not willing to do that, i'm getting the hell out.

Anyway, that's just a few thoughts.  Pretty obvious, basic stuff.  But not necessarily concepts that i've embraced or lived up to this point.  In fact, i'd say so far i have failed in every single one of them.  Hopefully, i can begin to make some progress in a couple of these.  If so, i'd say things are moving in the right direction.

That's about it for tonight.

Stay safe....

KWA

Honest feelings about tough times....

It's so hard to put into words how i feel today.  I guess it may make some people uncomfortable to be so honest about feelings and such, but i need to get some of this stuff out there for the sake of my own sanity.  So here goes:

I have been so sad that i cry  nearly every day.  Usually only briefly, because days have their good moments too. It's not like it's misery all the time.  I actually enjoy what i am doing.  But the stage of life i'm at right now feels so very hard.  And despite the difficulty, it feels like what i have to do.  At least for right now.

Talk about a mid-life crisis.  Mine's a doozy.

I miss the kids so much.  It's hard knowing they are doing their thing, having new experiences, enjoying their summer, and not be there to be part of it.  They are growing up and i am missing part of it....  God bless Tracey for being the full-time mom and dad....  I'll be home soon.

I miss Nicole so much that i can hardly stand it.  I feel so, so foolish and sick for doing the things that cost me my marriage.  We're trying hard to be friends, but it's not easy.  I wonder if i've learned anything from the mistakes....  I wish her so much "good".  I hope the day comes when she can forgive me and then we can see where we stand.  We had a very good conversation via text today.  I'm grateful for that.

At the age of 48 i really don't understand my motivations or my choices.  I don't know why i've done what i've done, or why i do what i do.  I'm really hoping that this experience brings some clarity to all this.  I do know that i am sitting in the midst of a critical period of my life -- and that something is happening to me.  Something painful, yet at the same time constructive and positive.  I just don't know exactly what it is yet.  Please let it be growth....

I guess i'm looking at myself in the mirror with real honesty for the first time in my life.  I suppose that's a gift.  And no, i don't like everything that i see.  The flaws somehow seem more glaring and the attributes less significant.  But it still feels like an opportunity that i dare not let pass.

I'm not sure if the metaphor of the highway for me is running away from something or towards something.....  I hope it's the latter.  Am i being gutsy for pursuing something that is burning inside me, taking a stand in favor of pursuit of personal truth?  Or am i a selfish ass for leaving everyone and everything to pursue a poorly thought-out fantasy, a 2011 Don Quixote on a journey of imagined significance?  I don't know.

I know some will applaud, and some will judge.  So be it.

I do know that i am doing what i need to do right now, and this blog is part of the catharsis.  Thanks for being interested enough in my journey to bear with me during times like this.

Stay safe....

KWA

The simple joy of being "just a number"

At the Charms candy plant in Covington, Tennessee.  Not far from the birth place of Isaac Hayes.  What a beautiful morning, with the fog rolling up off the corn fields.  It's amazing, here in the south -- people have such large front yards and every one of them is mowed perfectly.  You don't see any trashy, overgrown yards, even in front of very modest homes.  People obviously take pride in where they live.

Days have all been well over 100 during my  travels through Texas and Tennessee.  Muggy too.  Still, it's a beautiful area.

I'm certainly getting a new perspective on life and work since beginning my trucking adventure.  I'm realizing for the very first time in my life that i don't need to be doing something amazing, that i don't need to do something that impresses anyone.  I can be alright just doing a job and doing it well.  I had always thought that my life was going to result in absolutely spectacular things, that i was going to leave a major mark wherever i went.  But i'm finding myself very satisfied with just being a "number", being one of countless other drivers.  And i find a great deal of satisfaction with simply doing the job right -- driving safely and getting the load there on time.  There is actual peace and joy in that.  But i AM trying to be the best driver in the fleet.  I guess there still is a little competitive fire there....

And i'm loving seeing the countryside. We  live in a beautiful country.  I wish everyone could see it from the perspective of a truck cab.

I miss the girls tremendously.

And i miss my wife.

Stay safe....

KWA

The best job in the world.....

This job is the greatest.  Why?  It's the only one where your boss tells you to take a nap if you're feeling tired....

Parked in Laredo, TX (on the southern Texas border to Mexico) waiting to make a short run tomorrow morning to Dolores (a place you won't find on an Atlas).  Trailer filled with processed chicken parts bound for Mexico, from McComb, Miss.  Yumm!

Missing the girls a lot today.

Wrote lyrics for four country songs over the course of three hours while sitting in Charley trying to escape the heat.  Thank God for A/C.

No wildlife sightings today...just dead armadillos and coyotes.

CR England has had four roll-over accidents in the past 48 hours, one resulting in a fatality.  Serious business. maybe that's why i saw a guy this morning finishing up his pre-trip inspection by crossing himself three times at each corner of his truck.  Interesting.   It's definitely not a game out here....

Stay safe....

KWA

Deeper in the south....

Have spent the past two days driving through Texas and Louisiana.  Love Texas (saw two cars with Oregon Duck stickers -- sweet!!).  Not sure about Louisiana yet, although i did see a dead alligator on the side of the highway, which was pretty awesome.  Very muggy here outside of Baton Rouge, complete with flash lightening and rain storm.  Temp about 88.  Cooler than Texas, but much stickier.

All i know about Louisiana is that my Ducks are going to whup' up on them LSU Tigers on Sept. 3!!  Chip's gonna bring some pain to those sons o' mothers.  I don't go claiming that while i'm here, though....  Discretion somehow seems important.

Anyway, you just have to love truck stops in the south.  Three ole' boys were sitting near my table having the most retarded discussions about what the President's actual "job" is, the history of the interstate system and what cops can and cannot cite you for (according to them, if the cop can't show you the LAW you are breaking he or she can't cite you.  Oh, brother....)

These guys -- complete with thick accents, greasy hands, ball caps and at least one of them sporting BOTH suspenders and a belt -- couldn't have fit the stereotype of a southern truck driver better if you had taken out an advertisement.  Gotta say, they really matched the tee shirt i saw the other day: "You mess with me, you mess with the WHOLE trailer park!"  Other truck drivers were actually laughing at them.

Tomorrow i go a little deeper south, nudging a tad into Mississippi before turning around with a load bound for Laredo, TX.  OK, this next part is not for the consumption of children:  Supposedly, lots of truckers cross the border at Laredo for extracurricular "activities".  They even run shuttle vans back and forth across the border for the purpose.  This is one truck driver who doesn't intend to keep up the tradition, however.  Tattoos, yes.   Hookers, no.  Down, Charley, down boy!

Have a MAJOR tooth ache.  It's been killing me for three days.  I think it's a cracked molar, because i had the same thing on the other side.  They put a crown on that one and it fixed right up.  However, this time i have no insurance, so not sure what i'm going to do.  So far i just keep eating the advil, but that will only last so long.  Really need to figure something out here....:-(

WAY ahead of schedule for my Louisiana Walmart run, so am killing time parked about 10 miles away at a truck stop.   Alarm set for 4:30 am.

Hope everyone had a fun Fourth.  I didn't see a single sparkler....

Stay safe.

KWA

The stars at night, are big and bright.... Deep in the Heart of Texas!!

Coming at you live from Central Texas, I only have time for a short entry tonight, as the computer battery is dying..

Sitting at a rest stop near Ft. Stockton, about half way between El Paso and San Antonio.  My destination -- just outside of Baton Rouge -- brings me all the way across Texas, and it's a great drive.  Temps are in the high 90s, low 100s, but the air conditioning keeps it cool.  I could easily see living in Texas or New Mexico.  I thought the West Texas Town of El Paso was a cool looking city, and i wish i had time to explore it.  Maybe someday....  Listened to Mexican radio all day today.  Was great.  Felt like i was sitting in a Mexican food restaurant all day, but without the chips or margarita.   Was REALLY hankering for those.

Sorry i can't stop by Padre Island to buy you a cerveza  JL, but i will be buying fuel in Baytown....

Yesterday was my birthday, and it was a hard day.  I woke up with a flat tire, and that kind of set the tone for the day.   Thankfully i had spent the night at a rest stop that had a truck service center, so they got me on the road cheaply and quickly.  Appreciated the many good wishes, on FB as well as via text.  Thanks to everyone for that.  It helped to feel a little less alone.

I think i'm coming to grips with the fact that i'm sort of a wanderer, someone who has a hard time settling into a single routine.  That may be why this truck driving gig appeals to me.  May also explain some of the difficulties i've had.  More on all of that later, but the thought had been occurring to me today....hmmmm.

Turning in at about midnight so i can drive all day tomorrow.  I really hate driving at night, and i need to cover 500 miles.  The next day requires 400, and then i should be in Louisiana early for my appointment with Walmart.

Hope everyone had a safe and fun Fourth of July.  Missed all of you (family) in Seaside.

Stay safe....

KWA

Time to think is a gift....

Driving through southern Utah and northern New Mexico, and i feel like i'm driving through one of my Louis L'Amour novels, expecting to see Apaches on the rimrock above the highway, imagining my truck is a horse underneath me.

Feels like my name ought to be Shane or Blackie....

I absolutely love the Southwest.  The rock spires, the plateaus, the brusque hills, the dry, sparse foliage.... The ruggedness, the bleakness, the barrenness....  The smell of the heat.... The reds, greens, browns, golds and blacks.....    It's just a special, beautiful place.  It's awesome to realize that the rock formations haven't changed much in thousands of years, and the indians who inhabited the land before the white man arrived saw the exact same views as i am seeing, albeit without the "improvements" that have sprung up in the last couple hundred years.  It's a simple place that demands little to enjoy it.  It's on days like this that i especially appreciate my new career choice.  Oregon is beautiful, but it's easy to forget that there are many equally beautiful places that are so different.  And there are worse vantage points for viewing the world than through the cab of a truck.

It's also on days like this that i get sad.  Seeing so many families on the road for the holiday weekend is hard. Knowing that my extended family is getting together today for our usual Fourth of July family reunion makes absence difficult.

The fact that i've eaten nothing but peanut butter sandwiches, budget-brand granola bars and water for the past three days doesn't make it easier...lol.  It is remarkable how many meals you can cover with a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a plastic knife.  If you don't mind the monotony, that is.

After this trip i'll be headed east through San Antonio and then Baton Rouge for a delivery in Louisiana.  It's a run for Walmart, and i feel a little pressure.  Walmart is CR England's biggest customer and there is an expectation for absolute 100% on-time delivery.  If a load is 30 seconds late, it's late.  And that means Walmart doesn't have to pay for the shipping.  That gets my bosses a little annoyed.

Oh, the picture at left is Charley at the Ogden, UT Pictsweet plant -- our first load together: frozen vegetables bound for Los Lunas, New Mexico.

I noticed a strange thing yesterday while driving: seems all of my dreams and goals have disappeared.  I don't say that in a "poor me" sort of way, but in a matter-of-fact, "huh,-what-do-you-know" sort of way.  Driving through Moab, UT got me thinking about it, since Tracey and i once vacationed there prior to having kids.  I started thinking about vacations and future plans and realized that i don't have any motivation for a vacation, and certainly don't have any future plans.  The future is the next mile of asphalt, and nothing more.  I think losing Nicole just sort of took all of wind out of my sails and has left me not caring a whole lot about "next chapters".  It's just me and this truck.  And somehow i think it was good for me.  Not how it came about, but in terms of the result.  For some reason, it feels as if things were headed here for a very, very long time....

Thankfully i still have the kids to think about and be part of, or i would be entirely disconnected from my previous life.  As if it were two completely different people.  Actually, it feels that way a lot of the time, kids notwithstanding.  Almost seems as if things past were one long dream sequence in my awkward life.

If it sounds like i'm crying the blues, i'm not.  I'm happy doing what i'm doing right now.  And frankly, i don't have a lot of choices, so it's good to have found something that i can enjoy for the time being.  I'm just experiencing a fairly frank realization that my life has changed immeasurably from a year ago, in ways that i could never have imagined.  And i'm hoping that it all works out in a constructive way.

Seems like a good time to say something profound, like "cherish what you have because it could all be gone in a moment."  Or, "you never know where you're going to be in a year."  But those chestnuts somehow just sound pathetic coming from someone who shot himself in the foot.

Actually, the better lesson for me has been "be true to yourself".  I think i wasted a lot of years walking around in skin that didn't fit.  And even though i was relatively successful for a season, it inevitably came crashing down because it wasn't based on anything but a series of accidents and a lack of passion to do something else.  One should do what one loves to do.  Not what one HAS to do....

I'm really not sure what the future is going to hold.  All i know is i have to get to Walmart on time.  I guess that's all i need to  know right now....

Stay safe....

KWA

Travels with Charley....

The sweat is sticky running down my neck, and the back of my new truck is like an oven on wheels, even with the windows open, as i write this.  Salt Lake City is having a very muggy start to its summer....   Most of the snow -- but not all -- is gone from the mountain tops surrounding the Salt lake basin.  Hard to believe that  a short three months ago we were training on the backing range here in snow and rain.  These days, even in the early morning, shorts are appropriate attire.  Too bad i didn't bring any and can't afford to go buy any....  Can't afford much of anything, actually.  I think they expect people to have a healthy bankroll to start their training.  I haven't had a paycheck of more than $250 for the past three months -- and most weeks i don't get that much.  Basically enough for food and to send a little home to help with the girls' summer activities.  It's pretty tough holding on for what i hope are bigger paychecks when i start making longer runs as a full-fledged driver.

Speaking of that, i am now officially, if not gainfully, employed as an independent contractor driver to CR England.  I have passed all tests, suffered through all necessary training voyages and sat through all required classes.  I frankly never thought the day would come, as people have dropped off left and right at each step of the program.  No wonder they say that student turnover is 145% (how the math on that works, i can't really say.  But that's what "they" claim).  I have also leased the above truck, which i am naming "Charley", after author John Steinbeck's French standard poodle, with which he traveled America near the end of his life and wrote the book "Travels with Charley".  Charley was a male, by the way, and since i haven't had much luck doing the right thing by females lately, adopting a male persona for the truck seems appropriate.  Don't want to jinx things right out of the box....

Today i was assigned my very first load: a short haul from Salt Lake City to Nampa, Idaho.(about 340 miles), hauling bottled water to the Nampa Costco store.  Turns out i had a problem with the trailer, though.  It had a cracked brake, which meant i lost about four hours sitting around the Salt Lake City yard while it was being fixed, and which also meant i lost enough time on my "14-hour clock" to be unable to make Nampa, by the delivery due time (4:30 am).  Let me explain:  Truck drivers operate on three separate, yet simultaneously running, clocks.  The first is the 11-hour clock.  You can drive no more than 11 hours in a shift.  You can turn it on and off, depending on whether or not you are driving, but you cannot exceed 11 hours of driving without taking a 10 hour break.

The second is the 14-hour clock.  Once you start "on-duty" driving, the 14-hour clock never shuts off.  You cannot exceed 14 hours of combined on-duty and off-duty driving without taking a 10-hour break.  An example would be like today, where i was on-duty for about five hours, then off-duty for about four hours waiting for the trailer to be repaired.  That left me with just five hours of drive time before being required to take a break, which was insufficient to drive the 7-8 hours to Nampa.  Therefore, a truck of team drivers picked up my load and headed off to Idaho.  Which also meant that i don't get paid a nickel for today -- you only get paid when you complete the run and submit the paperwork.  Sad, poor face....

There is also a 70-hour clock, which counts your drive time over the course of a 70 hour period.  Once you have reached your 70 hours you need to do a 34-hour "restart", or rest, to start that clock all over again.

That's it in a nutshell.

Just got a message on the truck computer that i am being dispatched to pick up a load in Ogden, UT tomorrow at noon with delivery on my birthday, July 3, in New Mexico.  Hopefully this load will not be star-crossed, as i desperately need the paycheck.  Hopefully the fact that it's on my birthday will mean good luck.

That's about it for now.  Charley and i are going to hope the evening cools down a bit.

Stay safe.....

KWA

Apprentice no more...!!

It's official -- as of yesterday i am no longer a student/apprentice driver.  I have no more hurdles to jump, tests to take or classes to sit through.  No more quirky trainers. I am now a full-fledged truck driver with a no-restrictions Commercial Drivers License.  It has been a long time coming.   It feels like an eternity.

I picked out my truck, a 2010 navy blue Freightliner Cascadia.  I'll post a picture of it tomorrow.  Did about half of the paperwork on it today, with the rest to complete tomorrow.  It's a six-month, no strings lease for $541 per week.  Needless to say, it's going to take a lot of running to cover the bills. But i've found a partner to run with, Kelly from Medford, Oregon, who was in my training school class.  He's a great guy and a really good golfer.  We're going to have to figure out a way to get our clubs on our rig!

I'm really excited about the next step of the journey.  Now I'M the boss and can run the truck as i see fit.  Looks like i'll have a couple of weeks to run solo while Kelly finishes his Phase 2 training.  It will be nice to be solo for a little while.

It was refreshing to have a couple of conversations today with drivers who are lease operators and who like working for England.  You hear SO MUCH grousing and complaining about the company from students and drivers that it can really wear you down and make you wonder if you have made a poor decision to run with CR England.  These guys, however, were positive about the company, which was good.

Girls are in the midst of summer camps, so haven't talked to them since leaving Salem.  That's about it for now.

Stay safe....

KWA

Back to Salt Lake after home time (finally!)

I met the nicest skinhead yesterday.

His name was Kent, a 40-year-old homeless drifter from Texas.  We met at the Portland Greyhound bus terminal.  He was asking for tips on using the MAX train, which i could not provide, and we struck up a conversation.  I immediately noticed the tattoos on his arms, which includes large Nazi "SS" letters on one arm and a confederate flag with the words "Southern White Pride" surrounding the flag on the other.

While i would usually be repulsed by the tattoos' explicit meaning, i decided to play investigator and asked him the story behind his tattoos.

"Well sir," he said, with impeccable manners and a pleasant tone, "I'm a racist skinhead."  His reply was neither a challenge nor defensive.  It was a simply a friendly answer to my question.  I might as well have asked him for the time of day.  He went on to explain that he has been a skinhead since he was 16, when he was beaten and left for dead by several blacks.  "I've been one ever since," he said.  The son of a Pentacostal minister and raised to love everyone, he also explained that he doesn't go looking for trouble and doesn't instigate violence (although he has in the past), but is ready for it if "anything goes down".  Then he showed me the knife he carries, being careful to explain that the blade is short enough to be legal.

I told him that Portland was very much a "give respect-get respect" sort of town.  He agreed, based upon what he has seen, said people were very friendly and said that he was glad to be here.  I'm not sure that's a good thing, nice personality notwithstanding.  We shook hands and parted company after a few minutes, as he was off on a mission to find pancakes for breakfast.

I have discovered i much prefer to find out what makes people tick to categorically judging them and missing out on a potential learning/growing experience.   Not sure what i learned from Kent, other than not all racist skinheads are bitter, angry people.  I guess that's good.  But they still have abhorrent views....

So why haven't i blogged lately?  Well, things have been busy.  I got to spend about a week at home and had some great times hanging out with the girls (including going to see the Green Lantern movie on Father's Day -- a fun outing for us and the movie wasn't bad). Saw a few friends, and got to hang out with my brother, which was really overdue fun.  Good to take a break from the blog.

On a down note, i picked up the paperwork on my pending divorce.  Looks like it's going to go through, despite my pleas that we not go there yet.  Next step will be divorce court.  Ick.

In Salt Lake City now, after a brutal bus trip of about 22 hours.  Tomorrow i have one final upgrade class to take, then i pick out my truck!  Have found a Medford guy to team with, which i think will be a really good fit.

Guess that's it for now.

Stay safe....   Respect all people.

KWA

Getting bored with Steve....

I feel bad because Steve is just too easy of a target -- it's getting boring.  Maybe it's time to move on to other subjects.

I'll leave you with these choice items related to food:

* He won't eat fast food (or any restaurant food for that matter) if it's served by a man.  He'd rather go hungry than have a man serve his meal.  Has to be a woman.  He goes hungry a lot.

* He has some hang up about bathrooms, and every time he uses one before eating he decides not to eat after all because the restroom is "so disgusting".  Even when the bathroom is quite clean, as i can attest, having used it minutes before him on most occasions.  Maybe he should eat FIRST....

* He refused to use one of the plastic spoons i bought (which came in a pack of 30) because he prefers to use his own plastic fork, spoon and knife, which he saves, and which are clear plastic.  He likes to "see" his food.

* He is staunchly opposed to meat and other processed foods because of the chemicals used in them.  But he has no problem eating Doritos or candy bars.  No chemicals there....

* The devil tempts him to eat McDonald's french fries.

Anyway, enough of that.

Just finished my driving shift, having driven through Texas and New Mexico.  On our way to Oakland, Calif with some pig byproducts (an irony that totally disgusts Steve), and then on to Oregon -- i am told -- for a quick stop to get my permanent Commercial Drivers License.  We will then go BACK to Utah, where i will get my truck, and THEN i drive solo back to Oregon for a four-day break.  Whew....  Can't come soon enough.

Why the picture of Darron Thomas? Because he's cool.  And he'll win the Heisman Trophy next year.  Go Ducks!

Stay safe....

KWA

Steve lives in a parallel universe....

The bottom line is just that Steve is simply not a very smart man.

As a driver he gets lost, barely knows east from west, can't read a map and doesn't read road signs well.  What am i doing here??

Let's see, what was today's latest....  Oh yes, i remember.  He is a musician.  He plays over 30 instruments including the bassoon, oboe, trombone, saxophone, piano, drums, guitar, etc.  How a poor, fatherless black man from the Baltimore ghetto (by his own description) learned to play the bassoon and 29 other instruments is beyond me, but i'll choose to give him the benefit of the doubt.

What i find harder to believe is that he has written over 400 songs that are "really good" and that they will make him a millionaire (so why are you driving a truck, Steve...?).  He has a rickety old guitar that is missing a tuning peg and simply will NOT stay in tune that he broke out this evening to pick on some blues.  And no, it was not very good.  He asked me to tune it for him first. I asked him to play one of his songs, but his response was, "Oh  no, those are private.  M-m-m."  I didn't have the energy to inform him that it's hard to make money on songs if you won't play them for people.  But of course, he was worried that i, as a fellow musician, might "steal" them, so he could not expose his works of genius to an unscrupulous competitor for fear of losing the millions of dollars that are rightfully his.

The chatter and the logic go on like that non-stop, people.  I am thoroughly exhausted by him. I have GOT to get off of this truck.  He also does nothing but badmouth CR England, which gets to be a downer when i'm already in a cranky mood from his constant babbling.

Drove through an unbelievably wicked rain and lightening storm in North Carolina this evening.  Visibility was almost zero, even with the wipers on high speed.  Glad to have found a Flying J truck stop.  Got showered and feel a little better.

Steve is asleep.  The only time he shuts up.  I may put a pillow over his face tonight.... God help me.

Stay safe.....

KWA

Who would win....

Steve's wisdom:

Who would win between an elephant and a rhino?  The elephant.

Who would win between a tiger and a lion?  The lion.

Why won't he eat McDonald's french fries?  Because they are cooked in whale grease....

Stay safe....

KWA

Steve's continuing monologue....

Haven't blogged for a couple of days as there really hasn't been that much to say.  Can't say the same about Steve -- for whom there is ALWAYS something to say. He basically reads every single billboard and store name, says it out loud and has something to say about it.  For example, "oh Fred Meyer.  My cousin used to work for Fred Meyer, and did you know that the real Fred Meyer was really a satanist who made a pact with the devil to start his grocery business?"  (this story is obviously made up, but it's the type of thing he would say, as it usually includes an outlandish and questionable anecdote he has "researched" because he likes to "study" things).

This is Steve, not Ray Charles, to the left, catching him mid-monologue on some topic.  I had to snap the picture surreptitiously, as he will NOT have his picture taken.  He even stuck his head out of the passenger window, turning away when we were at a receivers window that had a camera installed to view the drivers who were coming through the gates.  Drivers are definitely weird people.

Let's see, recent topics have included the conspiracy behind Bruce Lee's murder by Kung Fu leaders, Jackie Chan being a Buddhist monk who doesn't cut his hair, an inmate having his eye popped out by a fellow prisoner while Steve was watching, a friend of his beating up 40 cops at once, being able to jump over a car because of his Kung Fu "chi", bears being all over the state of Pennsylvania, how to kill a pitbull that's attacking you, and who would win in a fight between an alligator and a hippopotamus (the answer is a hippo, by the way).

And the answer as to how to kill a pitbull is to shove your hand down its throat and pull out its heart.  "You'll  get bit a lot, but you'll live to tell the tale."

Omg....

Oh, and he's terrible with directions.  He's gotten us lost at least twice, including last night while i was driving (i was furious because i was tired), and as i write this he has announced that he thinks he may have missed an exit because he wasn't paying attention but he's not sure.

Anyway, as previously said, i'll still take his talking over someone who has no patience and is mean-spirited.

Driving through Indiana now on way to Illinois with a load from the Pennsylvania Hershey plant.   May have only one more run until being dropped off in Salt Lake to pick out a truck and then home time!

Stay safe everyone....Don't text and drive.

KWA

Phase 2 in full swing....

Finally.....  I have my Phase 2 trainer and we are on the road!  I hoped for a nice guy, and i sure got that.  His name is Steve (with no other names!) and he couldn't BE more pleasant, considerate or patient.  I've learned more today than in the last month with my Phase1 trainer.  He's great and we get along really well.

However, all good things come with a slight downside.  The downside is that he is the chattiest individual i've ever met.  He truly  never stops talking.  I can't even give a fair description of his ramblings right now, except to say that it is an absolute stream-of-consciousness monologue.  Whatever pops into his head he says and it is the most ADD, unassociated stuff you've ever heard.  I tried to remember it all but it's a complete blur.  However, it usually comes around every 20 minutes or so to his Kung Fu that he has practiced for 20 years, being a strict vegetarian (who eats Doritos) or his family, which is all screwed up with drugs, alcohol and gangs. Even his 300 lb mother is a heavy (literally) consumer of Bacardi rum and once got so drunk that she stabbed his brother.  He finally had to leave Baltimore to get away from all of it, being a very Christian man, and that's what led him to trucking.  But he also plays bass guitar and prefers the notion of being in a band and making money that way.

He doesn't have the best short-term memory and i am constantly having to remind him of things he just told me to do or to remember (which is funny, because i've never been accused of having a great memory myself).  But he always appreciates it when i do.  It is quite exhausting, but i have to remind my self that i'd prefer his foibles to the alternative of having a jerk for a trainer.  He's also a very good teacher, even though i'm only his second student, and he has already improved my downshifting immeasurably.  All in all, i'm pretty thrilled.

I have to say, though, that it's a little intimidating knowing that 10 days from now i'm going to be on my own, and you wouldn't believe all the things you have to do and pay attention to as a truck driver -- especially the computerized logs and electronic messages you have to continually send back to the mother ship.  It is REALLY complicated and i'm terribly afraid of making big mistakes.  I have to look at it philosophically, though, and realize that i WILL make mistakes and no matter what they won't take away my birthday, so it's all good.

Anyway, we're currently in Idaho and leaving tomorrow for Pennsylvania.  I'm expecting to be home in just under two weeks, so that's a huge light at the end of the tunnel.  Hope everyone is well.

Stay safe....

KWA

No more tests!!

Well, i took my last written test, and....failed it.  Thankfully, you get a second shot at it before they send you home, and i passed it the second (and last) time.  Whew.  Which means all my testing is DONE. Feels somehow anticlimactic, since it seems all we've done is go from one test to another....

Now i am just waiting for my Phase 2 trainer to give me a call.  He is supposedly here at the Salt Lake City facility (as am I), but when i tried to call his cell it was not accepting calls.   So i need to wait on him to call me.  My god, we do a lot of waiting here.  And we're also hearing so much negativity about the company that it's hard to stay upbeat, even when you reach a milestone like passing your final test.  The way everyone bitches you'd think that the company was going under because they can't retain a single driver.  I'm committed to sticking it out though.  I've got to believe that a company that has stayed afloat for over 90 years is doing something right.  So i'm going to simply stick with the program and see what happens.  It's getting to be a pretty tough grind though.  Especially after being away from home for two months.

One bright spot has been my new friend, Junior Fa'apuna (left), a Samoan from Hawaii, who is also here for his Phase 2 upgrade.  He and i met just the other day, but we hit it off like old friends.  He's Mormon, and we've had a great time talking about spiritual matters, trucking, music, women (neither of us understand them) and football (he used to play for the U of W, and is a big Chiefs fan).  But mostly music and spiritual issues.  We've pretty much been inseparable since meeting.  As you can see, Junior is a pretty big guy and apparently he's the smallest in his family, which includes at least one Sumo wrestler, and former all-pro linebacker Junior Seau.

It's been great getting to know Junior, and our conversations have been fun.  Much deeper and philosophical than the usual BS you hear around the pool tables or the lunch room here. He's got his Phase 2 trainer already and leaves tomorrow morning.  I'll miss him, but i'm sure we'll remain friends and will stay in touch.

Once i connect with my Phase 2 trainer i should be out on the road with him for 10 days and then back to  Salt Lake City to lease a new truck.  Then (fingers crossed) home.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Stay safe everyone....  Remember, tread on your drive tires should be no less than 4/32" deep.

KWA

The end is in sight....

Nearing the end of this chapter of the journey -- all that remains between me and moving on to Phase 2 is approximately an hour's worth of class time and a 30-question test of our knowledge of DOT regulations, routing/planning and log-keeping.  I should have taken this test today, but i was late coming back from the lunch break and was summarily (and without pity) told to come back tomorrow for the next day's duplicate class.  They take tardiness very seriously, even if i did have a good excuse (i was busy trying to resolve updating my medical card, which expires in a month).  This iron approach is presumably because they want to instill in their new drivers the importance of being on time.  And if you can't be on time for class, how can they trust you with a load of freight, the lateness of which could cost the company a customer.  A bit over the top, but a reasonable expectation i suppose....

So tomorrow afternoon i will take the final test of my Apprenticeship.  There's a lot of pressure on this test too -- you have two tries at it and if you fail both times they send you home, even after all the effort and time that has been invested to date.  And it is reportedly not an easy test; often failed the first time out of the chute.   If a second try is needed, you are given a different version of the test and a final opportunity to move forward with your truck driving career.  A bit nervous, but it is an open-book test, which gives me a little comfort.

Oh, i found out more about my roommate's name.  It's not Dennis/WES, it's Dennis/WEST, as in: West Side, as in: a name given to him in Joliet prison.....   He served three years of a six-year sentence for aggravated assault associated with a gang-related shooting with which he was involved when he was 19.  He is an interesting paradox....as fun-loving, outgoing and good-natured a person as you can imagine, but his stories reveal a definite dark side, and he is not afraid to flip that switch when it needs to be flipped.  I'm REALLY glad he likes me and i'm on his good side.  I don't think i'd like to be the guy who, while in prison together, he beat with a wall telephone because he wouldn't move his feet off of an ice chest Dennis/West was trying to get into.  He landed 90 days in solitary confinement because of that stunt.  The other guy didn't fair too well....

I've decided to start tidying up my side of the MF'ing room.....

This afternoon West and I, along with a former football playing Hawaiian named Junior, and Kendall (the gal who braided my hair) went to China Buffet to eat.  It was literally the second sit-down meal i've eaten in a month and i proved it by wolfing down two overflowing plates of noodles, pork, chicken, beef and vegetables.  We then walked about a mile to Walmart to do a little shopping for necessities and then took the shuttle back to the England campus.

While trying to resolve my medical card issue today i learned that i've lost about 13 lbs, so i'm really pleased about that.  Most people have gained weight during their Phase 1 training.

I'm pretty well decided that i'm going to go the six-month demo lease route.  The notion of being out on someone else's truck for another two months with limited home time is more than i can stand.  And the challenge of running as a lease-operator (which is an independent contractor to CR England) is attractive.  I feel fairly confident that i can't get into too much trouble in six months...famous last words.

After tomorrow afternoon's test we are assigned a new Phase 2 trainer, with whom i will drive for 10 days.  Then i pick out a truck for lease and i'm off on my own.  First stop, home for a few days!!  Can't wait to see the girls.

Stay safe everyone....

KWA

Phase 1 finally complete!

Yesterday i was finally dropped off in Salt Lake City as the official ending of my Phase 1 training.  First thing i did?  Laundry!!

This morning (Saturday) i took my Phase 1 driving skills test and passed with 95%.  Now we do some written tests over the weekend and then get assigned a Phase 2 trainer early next week.  I'll either be on the road with that person for two months (if i go company driver) or 10 days (if i go truck lease).  It may sound like a no-brainer, but i haven't been able to completely decide.  I really DON'T want to be responsible for fuel, repairs, taxes and everything right out of the gate as a rookie driver, which would be the case if i was a lease driver.  Yet at the same time, the notion of being on a truck with a trainer for two months is not very appealing either. I'm dying to be on my own. Maybe that's just a function of being TOO crowded on a truck for a month with MJM and F/M.

In either event, it sounds as if i get  home in the next week or two, which is desperately needed for a variety of reasons -- appointments, paperwork, and most important, seeing the girls.  I almost feel as if i won't recognize them!

Feeling lonely and sad today.  Not sure why.  Probably because i don't really have anyone with whom to intimately share this experience.  I guess that's  one reason i feel so compelled to continue doing this blog -- it allows me to have the perception of sharing this experience and my thoughts about it with other people; something i didn't think was that important but i'm realizing that it is vitally important, at least to me.  Writing is very cathartic for me.  Not only does it give me a written record of the experience, but it allows me to process thoughts and feelings and helps them crystalize into distinct notions.  It brings experiences into focus, rather than have them just sitting out there as fuzzy feelings.  And for whatever reason, that is important to me right now.

Have a new roommate in Salt Lake.  A muscular black guy by the name of Dennis but he goes by Wes.  What IS it with people in the business and names??  Dennis/Wes is one of those people who literally, NEVER stops talking. He's been in prison and is from Chicago, and most of what he says is started with MF'er, ends with MF'er and has the phrase liberally sprinkled throughout.  As in:  "That MF'er, he took the MF'ing truck and drove down the MF'ing highway like a MF'ing bat out of MF'ing hell!"  I hear that's how they talk in Chicago.  And if Dennis/Wes is any indication, they aren't kidding.  Also, everything is "nigger this" and "nigger that".  As in: "Yo nigger, where you  from, MF'er?" He's a really nice guy though, and is also here for his Phase 1 upgrade to Phase 2.  He is a great roommate and is very tidy.  We are in a two-person room, and my side looks like Joplin, MO compared to his side.  He hasn't complained...yet.  (Hey MF'er!  Clean up your MF'ing side of the MF'ing room, MF'er!  What you think this IS, nigger, a MF'ing garage sale?).

I also got my hair braided again by Kendall, a black gal from Alabama who was in my initial school class and is here for Phase 2 upgrade, as well.  Funny, i haven't had a single white room mate and all the people i've become friends with (except MJM) have been of one ethnicity or another other than white.  Being from mostly white Oregon, that is a unique experience.

Anyway, more thinking to do, and it's going to be a long, long weekend given that Monday is a holiday.  Not sure how i'm going to kill  the time, since there really isn't all  that  much to do  here.

Stay safe....  Sleep is the only remedy for fatigue.

KWA

CB handle contest.....

I need to be thinking of a CB handle, and i thought: what better way to come up with one than to have a contest..  Anyone out there have any great ideas? I've come up with "Duck Fan" and "Thunder" but am not sure about either.  Please let me know if you have any good (i.e., constructive) suggestions.

A fabulous prize awaits the winner of this contest -- ok, it's just a CR England t-shirt, but they are pretty cool.  Winner's choice of red, black or royal blue..  I reserve the right to reject all submissions.  Only submissions that include your name on them will be considered.  Thank you!!

Stay safe....Never text and drive.

KWA

A little introspection....

Drove through the Nevada desert today, but on Highway 93, one of the "backroads".  A gorgeous drive and we hardly saw a single vehicle for well over 100 miles.  Drove nearly 600 miles today -- from Salt Lake City to Wendover, UT, turning left on Highway 93 down through Caliente, NV and ended it about 10 miles shy of Las Vegas.

Nothing unusual happened today, but i did spend time reflecting on some of the internal changes i have experienced over the past two months:

1. The girls are the most important thing in my life, and i need to do a better job of communicating that to them by spending time with them.  I have not set good examples in a number of areas and i intend to improve there -- to make sure i have earned their trust, their faith and their love.  Grace and Abby are real treasures and i don't have a lot of time to spend with them before they're gone.  I don't intend to waste future opportunities.

2. I don't rely on the opinions of others as i used to do.  Previously, it was very important to me what people thought and whether they approved of my actions/decisions.  Now, for whatever reason, that is just not important to me anymore.  Of course, it's still nice to have approval, but it's not a driving need like before. I am comfortable with who  i am and i am comfortable living with the consequences of  my decisions and actions.  Even when the consequences are painful.  That's where the growth occurs.  And boy, have i been growing.

3. I like myself and who i am.  I could not say that three months ago.  Again, i don't know why this has changed, but it has -- and in the midst of some things where i could be (and am) very critical of myself and regretful.  I think being consistent with taking medication has certainly played a role.  But there are other factors too, that i cannot currently pinpoint.  I think it has something to do with appreciating that i am being true to myself with respect to my career and my life and not "playing a role" that was not me. I think it was hard to respect myself when i was doing something that did not fit, and knowing i was doing something i did not like.

4. I don't feel the need to be "the best", but am ok being just average. Ever since i was little, there has been an unreasonable urge in me to be the "best" at something.  I say unreasonable because i never put the time or effort into any activity to BE the best.   Maybe it was really more a powerful desire to achieve and be doing something impressive to others (see point number 2).  The weird part is that i would then get frustrated with a lack of what i thought was "enough" achievement, even though i didn't invest the energy to earn it in the first place.  Anyway, that vicious circle is no longer operational in my life and i feel a great sense of freedom because of it.  And again, i really can't tell you what changed.  I'm going to have to keep thinking about that one for a future blog.  But here i am, just a truck driver hauling produce around the country, and i couldn't be happier doing it.

5. I feel the need to really connect with people on a personal level, rather than the fairly superficial, glad-handing interpersonal method i previously employed.  I guess when you're just in your head for 12 hours at a time you begin to appreciate quality time with another human being, rather than taking it for granted.

Anyway, just a few of the things i've been thinking about lately.

Stay safe everyone......  Don't forget to carry chains.  But leave the whips at home.

KWA

A beautiful day for coming back to the NW....

Left Salt Lake City this morning at 9:30 am headed for Kent, WA.  What a beautiful day for driving!

Drove through half of Utah, all of Idaho and finished my shift in Hermiston, OR.  (Yes, Marshall, we drove through Caldwell, and no, they've never heard of you...:-)  How GREAT it was to be back in Oregon and the Pacific Northwest!!  I had forgotten how beautiful it is coming through Ontario and La Grande.  The amazing green-brown of the hills (or is it brown-green...) that look as if they were sculpted for the sole purpose of offering spectacular views.  They appeared as if a giant forested blanket had been thrown in the air and lighted on earth with all the valleys, hills, troughs, and wrinkles of a perfect, singularly unique landscape.  It struck me that the features of the terrain had been there for thousands of years, unchanged, except the ribbon of interstate that was only recently (relatively speaking) cut through its valleys.  It reminded me how transient and insignificant we are, while the broader portrait will exist for years after we are gone, hanging in God's gallery.  It also made me appreciate the opportunity to enjoy it.

Unfortunately, rather than continuing into the Columbia River Gorge and on into Portland -- which i longed to do more than i can describe --we hung a right at I-82 and crossed over into Washington, ultimately to connect with I-90 and over to Kent, WA.  At least it's still the Northwest, which feels like a clean, pure spring breeze, especially after the dreariness of the Midwest (the weather) and the Northeast (everything about it).

Enjoyed a lightening storm coming through Wyoming the other night, with bolts seeming to come uncomfortably close to striking the truck.  Very intense and cool.

Found out today that a CR England truck experienced a roll-over earlier today, killing a trainer and a student, just like us.  Apparently the trainer fell asleep at the wheel and went over a highway median.  The company reminds us tirelessly that excessive speed and fatigue are the two most dangerous things for professional drivers, and that we have to be constantly on guard to ensure we don't let either creep up and cause catastrophe.  It's very possible the student was one from my class, but we haven't heard any names.  Sure does remind you that this is a dangerous profession that needs to be taken deadly serious.

But at the same time, we are encouraged when we hear about drivers who have reached the marks of one or two million miles of driving without an accident or even getting a ticket.

Oh, getting annoyed at F/M....he throws his trash out the window.  He ate a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream after lunch today and threw the whole container out the window of the truck when he was done.  Astounding. Apparently that's ok in Haiti....  Thankfully he did that in Idaho.

Not sure where we are going next, but it may be our last trip before moving on to Phase II of our training.  At least, MJM and i sure hope so.  Had lunch at KFC today and it sure was a sign that we've spent too much time too close together -- we all sat at separate tables.... lol.

Stay safe everyone.... Never drive faster than the conditions dictate, even  if that's slower than the speed limit.  Speed kills.

KWA

The grind continues....

Left Oregon for truck school on April 2.  So i've been gone for seven weeks, and have been on the road in-truck for four weeks.  Things are getting to be a bit of a grind.  Tired of the smelly bodies, dirty laundry, crappy food, long hours and low pay.  Also REALLY tired of not seeing the kids and missing friends/family back home.  I truly hope this experience ends up being worth it.

(No, the photo is not of me.  But it represents what i'd like to be doing....)

I've always said i don't intend this gig to go longer than a year.  Today, i really hope i can make it THAT long.

We were originally told by our recruiters that we'd be out 4-6 weeks and home for 3-4 days.  So far, that appears to be a selling pitch only.  A bit like the Army's advertisements to see exciting places and meet interesting people, but failing to describe the difficulty of boot camp or that you get stationed in North Dakota.  I've seen quite a few people drop off here and there -- usually because they were not willing to put up with the BS and the uncertainty.  For my part, i'm willing to stick it out longer than most to see what the whole thing is really about.  As long as i'm not being kicked out for failure to perform i'm going to keep throwing myself at this thing until i see how it plays out, regardless of the appearances of false advertising.  I guess i just don't want to quit.  I'm really hoping the pay off is worth the pain in the ass.

One of the things many of my fellow students and i are trying to figure out is if we want to lease a truck to work as an independent contractor to CR England, or if we want to be a CR England "company driver".  The company driver is just that -- you are an employee driver for England, you drive their equipment and you are not responsible for anything other than getting the load to the destination on time.  You are also paid the lowest mileage rate of all drivers, about $0.34 per mile, and reportedly get the "bottom of the barrel" loads that no one else wants.

The lease option is fairly attractive.  With no money down and no credit approval, you take over a brand new truck on a year lease, with the option to walk away from the lease after six months, without penalty.  You make about $0.90 per mile, and are responsible to pay for fuel, repairs, etc., but you also get better loads/hauls than company drivers get.  To give you a sense of overhead, fuel costs about $525 per week, and a truck lease is about $530 per week.  A solo driver typically can run about 3,000 miles per week.  Including other overhead (insurance, maintenance, etc.) solo drivers -- they say -- can expect to net about $680 per week.  You make more if you run as a team, because you can run more miles.  You also make more if you become a trainer -- up to $100,000 per year, but you have to be running all the time.

At this point, i lean toward the lease route with the option to walk away after six months.  We'll see though.  I'm still investigating.


Not looking like i'm going to be getting home for another couple weeks.  Apparently my trainer thinks i still need work on my downshifting, and then  i've got some administrative issues that need to be worked through. Doing my best to stay positive.... Sigh.  Hope everyone is doing well out there.  I miss ya!


Stay safe....


KWA

A tribute to Wanda the Waitress....

Well folks, i met my first real truck stop waitress the other day.  Her name is Wanda, and my lord is she a pistol!

The truck stop was a Petro in Bordentown, NJ.  It's a huge truck stop with multiple truck service shops, a restaurant, gift shop, movie theater, game room, exercise room, etc.  Really something.

The restaurant was an Iron Skillet, which advertises the best home cooking this side of home.  And i'll hand it to them, it was good food.  Along with regular dining tables, they have four U-shaped counters, just like the old lunch counters, that are dedicated to truckers only.  And they mean it.  Signs are posted, Truckers Only.

And the trucker counters are where Wanda worked her magic.

(Photo is a stock internet photo, not of Wanda)

She was short, probably no taller than 5 foot, and her broad smile featured a large space between her two front teeth that made her look like a 10-year-old grown old before her time.  When she smiled (which was all the time) her brown eyes sparkled with energy.  Her hair was gray at the roots, but she colored it a purply shade of red, that gave it a distinct two-tone look.  Her hair was up in a pony tail held in place by a lavender taffeta ribbon with beads on the ends.  She was a little chunky in her black skirt and pink work shirt, but i tell you, her personality made her absolutely shine.  This woman never stopped talking, starting with a cheery "be right with you sweetheart," and continuing on through your meal until you rose to leave, when her voice followed you to the cash register, "can i get you a drink for the road honey? Hey, honey, you need another ice tea?".

Wanda is 54 and has worked at this Petro truck stop for 20 years.  She claims that if you go to any Petro station in the country, one out of six drivers will know her -- and  I don't doubt it for a minute.  Nothing rattled or shook this woman, and i have to honestly say i've never seen anyone who appeared to love her job more than Wanda.

We were stuck in the Petro yard for over 24 hours waiting for a load assignment, so i had an opportunity to come back after dinner for a late night slice of pie.  Wanda was just getteing off shift and was counting her tips.  I sat by her so we could visit.  It didn't take any invitation for her to launch into over an hour's worth of chatting that barely involved me.  As she talked she absent-mindedly organized her bills into various stacks, first according to denomination, then by groups of $10, and back again, carefully unfolding every corner of the bills, but never seeming to make much real progress with her financial organization.

Wanda loves truckers.  At least two of her five husbands have been truckers, including her first who really, sweetheart, was her first true love.  Especially because he was such a good kisser and hugger.  Her current husband, who sounds like something of a jerk, is likely to become the 5th EX-husband soon.  But, they own a house together and she's not sure how to deal with that, so they may just stay together, and he's a pretty good kisser too when he wants to be, but he's also kinda mean, so she doesn't really know what she wants to do...etc., etc.  Whew.  The most interesting thing, though, and it was captivating, is how engaged she was with her conversation with ME.  She wasn't just talking to hear her voice.  She seemed to be really talking to me and wanted to  make a connection with another human being.  It was really quite remarkable.  And her feet HAD to hurt, but she couldn't have been in a more chipper mood, just hanging out well over an hour after her shift had ended.

Apparently a truck driver station on SIRIUS satellite radio had a call-in contest, and Wanda was voted one of the top three truck stop waitresses in the entire country.  And you know what?  She deserves it.  She was exactly what you imagine when you think of a truck stop waitress.  And i mean that in the absolutely best sense.  Thanks, Wanda, for sharing a little time, space, conversation and coffee with me.

Stay safe everyone.... Avoid backing whenever possible.

KWA

A Change of Heart....

Well, after receiving some amazing personal notes of support, and after reading the obnoxious, mostly  cowardly (except Marla) and misdirected shots from the opposition, i have decided to keep the blog going.  For those of you who don't like it, pound sand and don't read it.

I'm back.

Stay safe.... Avoid road rage at all costs.

KWA

Last blog....

It has come to my attention that several individuals, some of whom have been close friends and some of whom are family, believe my blog to be self-serving, dishonest and inappropriate.  Especially relative to Nicole and the reasons for our pending divorce.

I will therefore admit something that was known to many, but has not been publicly revealed, that Nicole is divorcing me because i had an affair.  I submitted her to public humiliation, given the public nature of our careers, and hurt her deeply.  My actions were made worse by the fact that she had done nothing but be supportive of me and my children.  She gave everything and i acted selfishly.

Consequently, i am ceasing production of this blog.  It's purpose was to be nothing more than an honest, open assessment of myself as i try to discover who i really am and what i want to become -- not professionally, but as a human being during a very difficult period of my life.  Apparently, i failed in that effort.

For those who have been supportive, i sincerely thank you.  For those who feel i have been disingenuous and hurtful, i am sorry.  Nicole, if this blog has in any way been destructive to you i publicly and without reservation apologize.

I hope my friends and family will forgive me.  I hope Nicole will forgive me.

It is now over.  I wish EVERYone peace....

Stay safe.

KWA

A home-cooked meal!

For the first time in six weeks we had a home-cooked meal tonight and felt like human beings again. When coupled with the laundry and showers from earlier today, it felt better than Christmas....

The occasion was an informal reunion between Fabrice/Mike and a friend, Rudy Pierre, with whom he grew up in Haiti. Rudy lives with his wife Fabbi and their 10 year old son in Chelsea, an immediate suburb of Boston.  She also is Haitian. Their apartment is about seven minutes from the New England Produce Co., where we were dropping part of our load of garlic. Fabrice/Mike had not seen his friends in 11 years so it was a great treat for him to visit them, and he was kind enough to invite MJM and i to join him.

Fabbi made traditional Haitian food, which featured long grain white rice with a black bean and a white bean sauce, Haitian meatballs (what makes them Haitian i do not know, but they definitely had a courser, drier consistency than traditional meatballs), boiled plantains and salad. Drinks were Coca-Cola and water. It was all delicious.  Of course, to us, anything that you don't have to unwrap is delicious.

We didn't visit a lot, but they were very warm and generous.

Their small apartment is definitely in the less affluent section of town.  Although i didn't see the bedrooms, i'd guess it was about 1,000 square feet in size.  It was an old narrow townhouse style apartment, with a street level garage, and the apartment going up above the garage.  You climb stairs up to the living quarters, which consisted of a small living/tv room, a dining area/kitchen/office, a separate sink/laundry room where Fabbi did the dishes, and presumably two bedrooms.  It was very modest but cute.  To us it felt palatial to be able to stretch out and not smell each other's feet the entire time.  They are apparently a Christian family, based on several of the wall hangings in the living room and bathroom.

It also was nice to be around people who are not part of the "trucking" universe, and to be reminded that there is a world beyond truck stops and white lines on the road.

Stay safe everyone.... always wear your seat belt.

KWA