Parked at an indian casino rest stop in Casa Blanca, New Mexico. Stopped earlier on Route 66 at Clines Corners, a famous rest stop on the historic route. Pretty good biscuits and gravy -- but you really come more for the history than the food. Had a green chili burger at the casino. REALLY nice to have a change of pace from Subway, Arby's and peanut butter sandwiches.
I'm about 24 hours ahead of schedule to deliver this load of candy (Charms pops -- remember those?) bound for Phoenix, so i've got time to nose around (which is a LITTLE tough to do when you're pulling a 53-foot trailer. You're kinda limited to places that take semi trucks).
Today was a slightly better day. Many thanks for the messages via text, FB, etc. expressing support and love. Friends and family mean everything from the road. Without you it would be pretty unbearable.
Believe me though, i don't write this stuff in order to get the warm fuzzies.... Just trying to be honest about what is going on and hoping it makes sense.
I've been reflecting ;today on just what it is that makes one happy. I guess -- as someone special suggested today -- that it comes down to finding a way to love yourself and not being dependent upon the approval or love of others. I've leaned heavily on others for my sense of self, and it's been defined for me by wives, children, parents, friends and even those who i don't consider friends. I think it has truly been that way my entire life. I can't think of a phase of life when it wasn't more important to me what others thought about me than what i thought about myself. And consequently, when you don't give much thought to self, it's hard to have a clear notion of who you ARE. And how can you be happy when you're a stranger to yourself? That's a pretty fundamental concept. I think of this a lot less as self-absorbed than i do healthfully introspective.
Alan Jackson sang, "...I learned who i was, a lot about living and a little 'bout love." in his song Chattahoochee. For some reason, the first part of that lyric has always stuck with me. I guess it's because i'm jealous of it. Now, it may just be words that rhymed, but i choose to think he meant it. And if so, he's got something pretty big figured out.
So at this stage, what would i say about knowing who I am and what's important to me, rather than what has been defined for me? (not in any particular order):
1. People are more than what i can get from them. And they are worth forgiving. No matter what.
2. Honesty is more important than anything. And being honest with myself is the heart of it.
3. I don't want to waste time doing something that doesn't move me with some passion.
4. Words -- written and verbal -- are important. They mean something. I will only use them when i mean it.
5. Family will always be there. I hope i can do the same for them.
6. I only want to invest time in my obligations and in what pleases me, not what others want me to do.
8. Children are a responsibility and a gift. I have more to give them than i have so far....
9. Real friends are hard to come by. Keeping them is harder still. This highway is littered with former ones.
10. Whatever i do, i'm going to do it well. And if i'm not willing to do that, i'm getting the hell out.
Anyway, that's just a few thoughts. Pretty obvious, basic stuff. But not necessarily concepts that i've embraced or lived up to this point. In fact, i'd say so far i have failed in every single one of them. Hopefully, i can begin to make some progress in a couple of these. If so, i'd say things are moving in the right direction.
That's about it for tonight.
Stay safe....
KWA
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