Cleveland..... and thoughts of the kids. Not in that order.

Nothing more glamorous than picking up a load of hollandaise sauce from a warehouse in Cleveland, followed by 10 hours of driving west toward California for another load of garlic.

Nothing very exciting happened today.  As you can see, it was a rainy day in the home of the Browns.  What an appropriately boring name for a football team....

Just got off the phone with Abby, my 9-year-old (pink sweater, at left).  She already sounds older and more grown up than when i left a month ago.  She's getting ready to run in the Awesome 2000 race this coming weekend.  Sounds like her school is going really well, and she sounded great.  I also talked to her sister, Grace (grey dress, at left), but it was much more brief.  We have texted a bit though, and it sounds as if she's doing well also.

Oh, i would be remiss if i didn't point out my darling nieces AJ and Lucy, also in the pic at left. :-)

That's probably the hardest part of being gone and starting a new career -- not being around the kids and seeing them every week.  I really hope this career experiment doesn't prove to be a disaster as far as the girls are concerned.  They were very supportive of the idea when i first sprung it on them, but there was no experiential reality at that point.  According to their mom, though, they are doing very well and have adjusted nicely.  Kids ARE resilient.

Being away has definitely provided me with a renewed perspective on the need to be as involved and present of a father as is possible when you are on the road, and often thousands of miles away.  My folks are very active in their lives too, and grandma and poppa live in the same town, so that's a nice familial backstop.

They are such great, sweet kids....  They've been through a lot:  the divorce between their mom and me, lots of medication issues, school changes, now this divorce with Nicole (who they love very much).  I fear terribly that i am not the dad they need.  And i know that i have already exhibited behaviors and patterns that i hope to God they never experience or repeat.   But all of life is a learning experience, and i guess the best we can hope for is small steps of improvement every day, even after colossal mistakes.  Because without such mistakes we wouldn't be human, i suppose.  And we devolve without conscious efforts to better ourselves.  Hopefully, THAT is the lesson they can learn from me.

Good night kids.  Sweet dreams to daddy's girls....

Stay safe, everyone.

KWA