The end is in sight....

Nearing the end of this chapter of the journey -- all that remains between me and moving on to Phase 2 is approximately an hour's worth of class time and a 30-question test of our knowledge of DOT regulations, routing/planning and log-keeping.  I should have taken this test today, but i was late coming back from the lunch break and was summarily (and without pity) told to come back tomorrow for the next day's duplicate class.  They take tardiness very seriously, even if i did have a good excuse (i was busy trying to resolve updating my medical card, which expires in a month).  This iron approach is presumably because they want to instill in their new drivers the importance of being on time.  And if you can't be on time for class, how can they trust you with a load of freight, the lateness of which could cost the company a customer.  A bit over the top, but a reasonable expectation i suppose....

So tomorrow afternoon i will take the final test of my Apprenticeship.  There's a lot of pressure on this test too -- you have two tries at it and if you fail both times they send you home, even after all the effort and time that has been invested to date.  And it is reportedly not an easy test; often failed the first time out of the chute.   If a second try is needed, you are given a different version of the test and a final opportunity to move forward with your truck driving career.  A bit nervous, but it is an open-book test, which gives me a little comfort.

Oh, i found out more about my roommate's name.  It's not Dennis/WES, it's Dennis/WEST, as in: West Side, as in: a name given to him in Joliet prison.....   He served three years of a six-year sentence for aggravated assault associated with a gang-related shooting with which he was involved when he was 19.  He is an interesting paradox....as fun-loving, outgoing and good-natured a person as you can imagine, but his stories reveal a definite dark side, and he is not afraid to flip that switch when it needs to be flipped.  I'm REALLY glad he likes me and i'm on his good side.  I don't think i'd like to be the guy who, while in prison together, he beat with a wall telephone because he wouldn't move his feet off of an ice chest Dennis/West was trying to get into.  He landed 90 days in solitary confinement because of that stunt.  The other guy didn't fair too well....

I've decided to start tidying up my side of the MF'ing room.....

This afternoon West and I, along with a former football playing Hawaiian named Junior, and Kendall (the gal who braided my hair) went to China Buffet to eat.  It was literally the second sit-down meal i've eaten in a month and i proved it by wolfing down two overflowing plates of noodles, pork, chicken, beef and vegetables.  We then walked about a mile to Walmart to do a little shopping for necessities and then took the shuttle back to the England campus.

While trying to resolve my medical card issue today i learned that i've lost about 13 lbs, so i'm really pleased about that.  Most people have gained weight during their Phase 1 training.

I'm pretty well decided that i'm going to go the six-month demo lease route.  The notion of being out on someone else's truck for another two months with limited home time is more than i can stand.  And the challenge of running as a lease-operator (which is an independent contractor to CR England) is attractive.  I feel fairly confident that i can't get into too much trouble in six months...famous last words.

After tomorrow afternoon's test we are assigned a new Phase 2 trainer, with whom i will drive for 10 days.  Then i pick out a truck for lease and i'm off on my own.  First stop, home for a few days!!  Can't wait to see the girls.

Stay safe everyone....

KWA

Phase 1 finally complete!

Yesterday i was finally dropped off in Salt Lake City as the official ending of my Phase 1 training.  First thing i did?  Laundry!!

This morning (Saturday) i took my Phase 1 driving skills test and passed with 95%.  Now we do some written tests over the weekend and then get assigned a Phase 2 trainer early next week.  I'll either be on the road with that person for two months (if i go company driver) or 10 days (if i go truck lease).  It may sound like a no-brainer, but i haven't been able to completely decide.  I really DON'T want to be responsible for fuel, repairs, taxes and everything right out of the gate as a rookie driver, which would be the case if i was a lease driver.  Yet at the same time, the notion of being on a truck with a trainer for two months is not very appealing either. I'm dying to be on my own. Maybe that's just a function of being TOO crowded on a truck for a month with MJM and F/M.

In either event, it sounds as if i get  home in the next week or two, which is desperately needed for a variety of reasons -- appointments, paperwork, and most important, seeing the girls.  I almost feel as if i won't recognize them!

Feeling lonely and sad today.  Not sure why.  Probably because i don't really have anyone with whom to intimately share this experience.  I guess that's  one reason i feel so compelled to continue doing this blog -- it allows me to have the perception of sharing this experience and my thoughts about it with other people; something i didn't think was that important but i'm realizing that it is vitally important, at least to me.  Writing is very cathartic for me.  Not only does it give me a written record of the experience, but it allows me to process thoughts and feelings and helps them crystalize into distinct notions.  It brings experiences into focus, rather than have them just sitting out there as fuzzy feelings.  And for whatever reason, that is important to me right now.

Have a new roommate in Salt Lake.  A muscular black guy by the name of Dennis but he goes by Wes.  What IS it with people in the business and names??  Dennis/Wes is one of those people who literally, NEVER stops talking. He's been in prison and is from Chicago, and most of what he says is started with MF'er, ends with MF'er and has the phrase liberally sprinkled throughout.  As in:  "That MF'er, he took the MF'ing truck and drove down the MF'ing highway like a MF'ing bat out of MF'ing hell!"  I hear that's how they talk in Chicago.  And if Dennis/Wes is any indication, they aren't kidding.  Also, everything is "nigger this" and "nigger that".  As in: "Yo nigger, where you  from, MF'er?" He's a really nice guy though, and is also here for his Phase 1 upgrade to Phase 2.  He is a great roommate and is very tidy.  We are in a two-person room, and my side looks like Joplin, MO compared to his side.  He hasn't complained...yet.  (Hey MF'er!  Clean up your MF'ing side of the MF'ing room, MF'er!  What you think this IS, nigger, a MF'ing garage sale?).

I also got my hair braided again by Kendall, a black gal from Alabama who was in my initial school class and is here for Phase 2 upgrade, as well.  Funny, i haven't had a single white room mate and all the people i've become friends with (except MJM) have been of one ethnicity or another other than white.  Being from mostly white Oregon, that is a unique experience.

Anyway, more thinking to do, and it's going to be a long, long weekend given that Monday is a holiday.  Not sure how i'm going to kill  the time, since there really isn't all  that  much to do  here.

Stay safe....  Sleep is the only remedy for fatigue.

KWA

CB handle contest.....

I need to be thinking of a CB handle, and i thought: what better way to come up with one than to have a contest..  Anyone out there have any great ideas? I've come up with "Duck Fan" and "Thunder" but am not sure about either.  Please let me know if you have any good (i.e., constructive) suggestions.

A fabulous prize awaits the winner of this contest -- ok, it's just a CR England t-shirt, but they are pretty cool.  Winner's choice of red, black or royal blue..  I reserve the right to reject all submissions.  Only submissions that include your name on them will be considered.  Thank you!!

Stay safe....Never text and drive.

KWA

A little introspection....

Drove through the Nevada desert today, but on Highway 93, one of the "backroads".  A gorgeous drive and we hardly saw a single vehicle for well over 100 miles.  Drove nearly 600 miles today -- from Salt Lake City to Wendover, UT, turning left on Highway 93 down through Caliente, NV and ended it about 10 miles shy of Las Vegas.

Nothing unusual happened today, but i did spend time reflecting on some of the internal changes i have experienced over the past two months:

1. The girls are the most important thing in my life, and i need to do a better job of communicating that to them by spending time with them.  I have not set good examples in a number of areas and i intend to improve there -- to make sure i have earned their trust, their faith and their love.  Grace and Abby are real treasures and i don't have a lot of time to spend with them before they're gone.  I don't intend to waste future opportunities.

2. I don't rely on the opinions of others as i used to do.  Previously, it was very important to me what people thought and whether they approved of my actions/decisions.  Now, for whatever reason, that is just not important to me anymore.  Of course, it's still nice to have approval, but it's not a driving need like before. I am comfortable with who  i am and i am comfortable living with the consequences of  my decisions and actions.  Even when the consequences are painful.  That's where the growth occurs.  And boy, have i been growing.

3. I like myself and who i am.  I could not say that three months ago.  Again, i don't know why this has changed, but it has -- and in the midst of some things where i could be (and am) very critical of myself and regretful.  I think being consistent with taking medication has certainly played a role.  But there are other factors too, that i cannot currently pinpoint.  I think it has something to do with appreciating that i am being true to myself with respect to my career and my life and not "playing a role" that was not me. I think it was hard to respect myself when i was doing something that did not fit, and knowing i was doing something i did not like.

4. I don't feel the need to be "the best", but am ok being just average. Ever since i was little, there has been an unreasonable urge in me to be the "best" at something.  I say unreasonable because i never put the time or effort into any activity to BE the best.   Maybe it was really more a powerful desire to achieve and be doing something impressive to others (see point number 2).  The weird part is that i would then get frustrated with a lack of what i thought was "enough" achievement, even though i didn't invest the energy to earn it in the first place.  Anyway, that vicious circle is no longer operational in my life and i feel a great sense of freedom because of it.  And again, i really can't tell you what changed.  I'm going to have to keep thinking about that one for a future blog.  But here i am, just a truck driver hauling produce around the country, and i couldn't be happier doing it.

5. I feel the need to really connect with people on a personal level, rather than the fairly superficial, glad-handing interpersonal method i previously employed.  I guess when you're just in your head for 12 hours at a time you begin to appreciate quality time with another human being, rather than taking it for granted.

Anyway, just a few of the things i've been thinking about lately.

Stay safe everyone......  Don't forget to carry chains.  But leave the whips at home.

KWA

A beautiful day for coming back to the NW....

Left Salt Lake City this morning at 9:30 am headed for Kent, WA.  What a beautiful day for driving!

Drove through half of Utah, all of Idaho and finished my shift in Hermiston, OR.  (Yes, Marshall, we drove through Caldwell, and no, they've never heard of you...:-)  How GREAT it was to be back in Oregon and the Pacific Northwest!!  I had forgotten how beautiful it is coming through Ontario and La Grande.  The amazing green-brown of the hills (or is it brown-green...) that look as if they were sculpted for the sole purpose of offering spectacular views.  They appeared as if a giant forested blanket had been thrown in the air and lighted on earth with all the valleys, hills, troughs, and wrinkles of a perfect, singularly unique landscape.  It struck me that the features of the terrain had been there for thousands of years, unchanged, except the ribbon of interstate that was only recently (relatively speaking) cut through its valleys.  It reminded me how transient and insignificant we are, while the broader portrait will exist for years after we are gone, hanging in God's gallery.  It also made me appreciate the opportunity to enjoy it.

Unfortunately, rather than continuing into the Columbia River Gorge and on into Portland -- which i longed to do more than i can describe --we hung a right at I-82 and crossed over into Washington, ultimately to connect with I-90 and over to Kent, WA.  At least it's still the Northwest, which feels like a clean, pure spring breeze, especially after the dreariness of the Midwest (the weather) and the Northeast (everything about it).

Enjoyed a lightening storm coming through Wyoming the other night, with bolts seeming to come uncomfortably close to striking the truck.  Very intense and cool.

Found out today that a CR England truck experienced a roll-over earlier today, killing a trainer and a student, just like us.  Apparently the trainer fell asleep at the wheel and went over a highway median.  The company reminds us tirelessly that excessive speed and fatigue are the two most dangerous things for professional drivers, and that we have to be constantly on guard to ensure we don't let either creep up and cause catastrophe.  It's very possible the student was one from my class, but we haven't heard any names.  Sure does remind you that this is a dangerous profession that needs to be taken deadly serious.

But at the same time, we are encouraged when we hear about drivers who have reached the marks of one or two million miles of driving without an accident or even getting a ticket.

Oh, getting annoyed at F/M....he throws his trash out the window.  He ate a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream after lunch today and threw the whole container out the window of the truck when he was done.  Astounding. Apparently that's ok in Haiti....  Thankfully he did that in Idaho.

Not sure where we are going next, but it may be our last trip before moving on to Phase II of our training.  At least, MJM and i sure hope so.  Had lunch at KFC today and it sure was a sign that we've spent too much time too close together -- we all sat at separate tables.... lol.

Stay safe everyone.... Never drive faster than the conditions dictate, even  if that's slower than the speed limit.  Speed kills.

KWA

The grind continues....

Left Oregon for truck school on April 2.  So i've been gone for seven weeks, and have been on the road in-truck for four weeks.  Things are getting to be a bit of a grind.  Tired of the smelly bodies, dirty laundry, crappy food, long hours and low pay.  Also REALLY tired of not seeing the kids and missing friends/family back home.  I truly hope this experience ends up being worth it.

(No, the photo is not of me.  But it represents what i'd like to be doing....)

I've always said i don't intend this gig to go longer than a year.  Today, i really hope i can make it THAT long.

We were originally told by our recruiters that we'd be out 4-6 weeks and home for 3-4 days.  So far, that appears to be a selling pitch only.  A bit like the Army's advertisements to see exciting places and meet interesting people, but failing to describe the difficulty of boot camp or that you get stationed in North Dakota.  I've seen quite a few people drop off here and there -- usually because they were not willing to put up with the BS and the uncertainty.  For my part, i'm willing to stick it out longer than most to see what the whole thing is really about.  As long as i'm not being kicked out for failure to perform i'm going to keep throwing myself at this thing until i see how it plays out, regardless of the appearances of false advertising.  I guess i just don't want to quit.  I'm really hoping the pay off is worth the pain in the ass.

One of the things many of my fellow students and i are trying to figure out is if we want to lease a truck to work as an independent contractor to CR England, or if we want to be a CR England "company driver".  The company driver is just that -- you are an employee driver for England, you drive their equipment and you are not responsible for anything other than getting the load to the destination on time.  You are also paid the lowest mileage rate of all drivers, about $0.34 per mile, and reportedly get the "bottom of the barrel" loads that no one else wants.

The lease option is fairly attractive.  With no money down and no credit approval, you take over a brand new truck on a year lease, with the option to walk away from the lease after six months, without penalty.  You make about $0.90 per mile, and are responsible to pay for fuel, repairs, etc., but you also get better loads/hauls than company drivers get.  To give you a sense of overhead, fuel costs about $525 per week, and a truck lease is about $530 per week.  A solo driver typically can run about 3,000 miles per week.  Including other overhead (insurance, maintenance, etc.) solo drivers -- they say -- can expect to net about $680 per week.  You make more if you run as a team, because you can run more miles.  You also make more if you become a trainer -- up to $100,000 per year, but you have to be running all the time.

At this point, i lean toward the lease route with the option to walk away after six months.  We'll see though.  I'm still investigating.


Not looking like i'm going to be getting home for another couple weeks.  Apparently my trainer thinks i still need work on my downshifting, and then  i've got some administrative issues that need to be worked through. Doing my best to stay positive.... Sigh.  Hope everyone is doing well out there.  I miss ya!


Stay safe....


KWA

A tribute to Wanda the Waitress....

Well folks, i met my first real truck stop waitress the other day.  Her name is Wanda, and my lord is she a pistol!

The truck stop was a Petro in Bordentown, NJ.  It's a huge truck stop with multiple truck service shops, a restaurant, gift shop, movie theater, game room, exercise room, etc.  Really something.

The restaurant was an Iron Skillet, which advertises the best home cooking this side of home.  And i'll hand it to them, it was good food.  Along with regular dining tables, they have four U-shaped counters, just like the old lunch counters, that are dedicated to truckers only.  And they mean it.  Signs are posted, Truckers Only.

And the trucker counters are where Wanda worked her magic.

(Photo is a stock internet photo, not of Wanda)

She was short, probably no taller than 5 foot, and her broad smile featured a large space between her two front teeth that made her look like a 10-year-old grown old before her time.  When she smiled (which was all the time) her brown eyes sparkled with energy.  Her hair was gray at the roots, but she colored it a purply shade of red, that gave it a distinct two-tone look.  Her hair was up in a pony tail held in place by a lavender taffeta ribbon with beads on the ends.  She was a little chunky in her black skirt and pink work shirt, but i tell you, her personality made her absolutely shine.  This woman never stopped talking, starting with a cheery "be right with you sweetheart," and continuing on through your meal until you rose to leave, when her voice followed you to the cash register, "can i get you a drink for the road honey? Hey, honey, you need another ice tea?".

Wanda is 54 and has worked at this Petro truck stop for 20 years.  She claims that if you go to any Petro station in the country, one out of six drivers will know her -- and  I don't doubt it for a minute.  Nothing rattled or shook this woman, and i have to honestly say i've never seen anyone who appeared to love her job more than Wanda.

We were stuck in the Petro yard for over 24 hours waiting for a load assignment, so i had an opportunity to come back after dinner for a late night slice of pie.  Wanda was just getteing off shift and was counting her tips.  I sat by her so we could visit.  It didn't take any invitation for her to launch into over an hour's worth of chatting that barely involved me.  As she talked she absent-mindedly organized her bills into various stacks, first according to denomination, then by groups of $10, and back again, carefully unfolding every corner of the bills, but never seeming to make much real progress with her financial organization.

Wanda loves truckers.  At least two of her five husbands have been truckers, including her first who really, sweetheart, was her first true love.  Especially because he was such a good kisser and hugger.  Her current husband, who sounds like something of a jerk, is likely to become the 5th EX-husband soon.  But, they own a house together and she's not sure how to deal with that, so they may just stay together, and he's a pretty good kisser too when he wants to be, but he's also kinda mean, so she doesn't really know what she wants to do...etc., etc.  Whew.  The most interesting thing, though, and it was captivating, is how engaged she was with her conversation with ME.  She wasn't just talking to hear her voice.  She seemed to be really talking to me and wanted to  make a connection with another human being.  It was really quite remarkable.  And her feet HAD to hurt, but she couldn't have been in a more chipper mood, just hanging out well over an hour after her shift had ended.

Apparently a truck driver station on SIRIUS satellite radio had a call-in contest, and Wanda was voted one of the top three truck stop waitresses in the entire country.  And you know what?  She deserves it.  She was exactly what you imagine when you think of a truck stop waitress.  And i mean that in the absolutely best sense.  Thanks, Wanda, for sharing a little time, space, conversation and coffee with me.

Stay safe everyone.... Avoid backing whenever possible.

KWA

A Change of Heart....

Well, after receiving some amazing personal notes of support, and after reading the obnoxious, mostly  cowardly (except Marla) and misdirected shots from the opposition, i have decided to keep the blog going.  For those of you who don't like it, pound sand and don't read it.

I'm back.

Stay safe.... Avoid road rage at all costs.

KWA

Last blog....

It has come to my attention that several individuals, some of whom have been close friends and some of whom are family, believe my blog to be self-serving, dishonest and inappropriate.  Especially relative to Nicole and the reasons for our pending divorce.

I will therefore admit something that was known to many, but has not been publicly revealed, that Nicole is divorcing me because i had an affair.  I submitted her to public humiliation, given the public nature of our careers, and hurt her deeply.  My actions were made worse by the fact that she had done nothing but be supportive of me and my children.  She gave everything and i acted selfishly.

Consequently, i am ceasing production of this blog.  It's purpose was to be nothing more than an honest, open assessment of myself as i try to discover who i really am and what i want to become -- not professionally, but as a human being during a very difficult period of my life.  Apparently, i failed in that effort.

For those who have been supportive, i sincerely thank you.  For those who feel i have been disingenuous and hurtful, i am sorry.  Nicole, if this blog has in any way been destructive to you i publicly and without reservation apologize.

I hope my friends and family will forgive me.  I hope Nicole will forgive me.

It is now over.  I wish EVERYone peace....

Stay safe.

KWA

A home-cooked meal!

For the first time in six weeks we had a home-cooked meal tonight and felt like human beings again. When coupled with the laundry and showers from earlier today, it felt better than Christmas....

The occasion was an informal reunion between Fabrice/Mike and a friend, Rudy Pierre, with whom he grew up in Haiti. Rudy lives with his wife Fabbi and their 10 year old son in Chelsea, an immediate suburb of Boston.  She also is Haitian. Their apartment is about seven minutes from the New England Produce Co., where we were dropping part of our load of garlic. Fabrice/Mike had not seen his friends in 11 years so it was a great treat for him to visit them, and he was kind enough to invite MJM and i to join him.

Fabbi made traditional Haitian food, which featured long grain white rice with a black bean and a white bean sauce, Haitian meatballs (what makes them Haitian i do not know, but they definitely had a courser, drier consistency than traditional meatballs), boiled plantains and salad. Drinks were Coca-Cola and water. It was all delicious.  Of course, to us, anything that you don't have to unwrap is delicious.

We didn't visit a lot, but they were very warm and generous.

Their small apartment is definitely in the less affluent section of town.  Although i didn't see the bedrooms, i'd guess it was about 1,000 square feet in size.  It was an old narrow townhouse style apartment, with a street level garage, and the apartment going up above the garage.  You climb stairs up to the living quarters, which consisted of a small living/tv room, a dining area/kitchen/office, a separate sink/laundry room where Fabbi did the dishes, and presumably two bedrooms.  It was very modest but cute.  To us it felt palatial to be able to stretch out and not smell each other's feet the entire time.  They are apparently a Christian family, based on several of the wall hangings in the living room and bathroom.

It also was nice to be around people who are not part of the "trucking" universe, and to be reminded that there is a world beyond truck stops and white lines on the road.

Stay safe everyone.... always wear your seat belt.

KWA

If you don't love it, leave it....

Finally -- showered and (most) laundry done!  Those are two  luxuries i no longer take for granted, i  promise you that.

So what prompts a guy, you may wonder, to leave a six-figure annual salary job to go to trucking school and making (presently) $400 per week?  The answer is not simple. But a large part of it had to do with a growing, and ultimately overpowering, dissatisfaction with lobbying.  I want to be clear that it was not that i had developed a disdain for the profession.  As i have said before, the job is vital to the democratic process and i am firmly an advocate for legislative advocates.  And those who are good at it and are honorable in their approach should be held in the highest esteem.  And of those, i think first and foremost of my dad, Ward Armstrong.

For years he lobbied for the forest products industry and truly set the bar for how lobbyists should conduct themselves in a very difficult environment.  As i came to discover when i got into the field myself, the  name Ward Armstrong was synonymous with integrity, honor, fairness and professionalism.  I can't be more proud of what his name meant, and that i got to follow in his footsteps for a few years.  Dad, you were the best of the best and i'm proud to be your son.

But i found that the profession was not "me", and there were things that just were not a good fit with my style and personality.

Photos: top, Grace being sworn in as an honorary page at the Capitol.  Above, Dad with two of his favorite things -- the Oregon State Beavers and his granddaughter Abby.  Bottom, Dad relaxing in his backyard, on which he and mom work tirelessly.

First, i have learned about myself that i simply do not much like conflict.  And ultimately, lobbying is about resolving conflicts.  And when conflicts cannot be resolved, it is about fighting for your client's side.  And i don't really like even a friendly bar argument over sports, much less doing it for a living.

Second, there is a very small number of legislators with whom i can say it's been a pleasure to work.  I'll name two of the very best:  Rep. Mike Schaufler and former Rep. Carl Wilson.  My respect for them is immense because they not only had integrity for their positions (you always knew where they stood), but they were also the most approachable legislators i've ever met.  The two couldn't be more different in style, but they were peas in a pod in my book when it comes down to what an ideal legislator should be.  Schaufler -- for example -- and i didn't see eye to eye on every issue.  Quite to the contrary, but he always had an open door for me and was always willing to discuss an issue.  And if we didn't agree on this one, we likely did on the next one.  Wilson, for his part, was always the consummate gentleman. He was (and is) simply one of the nicest and most intellectually thoughtful men you will ever meet.  I treasure my experiences working with both of them.

However, i can't say that most are cut from the same molds as these two.  Too often legislators think they are awfully important and really want you to know it.  Working with this latter type became such a grind that i could not stand it any longer.  It sucked the life out of me.

Third, i found that i like working with people, but not necessarily within the confines of a structured SYSTEM.  And politics is nothing if not a well-oiled system that operates like a continuous motion machine.  There are certain ways you do things and certain ways the system works.  And when you stray from that system, you often find failure.  I tend to be much more of a rebel (although i hate the term) and an antagonist to the system, and found the structure of the system to be stifling.  When walking into the Capitol building i often recalled the Pink Floyd song "Welcome to the Machine".

And fourth, i found that i just didn't have the creativity and the energy anymore to care.  As a legislative advocate, you HAVE to care about your client's issues, and you have to care about winning.  You have to love it.  You can get along for a long time without those things, but at some point you owe it to your clients to either give them the best you have or let someone else give it the best they have.  I chose the latter.

Yes, the money was very hard to leave.  It's definitely strange buying t-shirts two-for-$10 at a truck stop instead of $75 apiece at Nordstrom.  But there's a real peace for me in it.  And i certainly know i earned it.  I'll talk in a future blog about the things i find appealing about trucking, but hopefully this one has given you a sense of why i left the old life.  And hopefully you can understand why those things are important to me.  And if not, that's ok too.  We all have different paths and look at the world differently.  My world view is finally coming into focus.

My daughter Grace thinks she would like to be a lobbyist.  It might not have been the right fit for her Dad, but who knows, maybe she'll take after her Poppa.  You go get 'em, girl. Knock 'em dead.

Stay safe everyone....  Use your mirrors.  They are your best friends on the road.

KWA

Running with the big boys....

Tonight was terrifying....

My drive shift was 2:30pm to 12:30 am, and as soon as it got dark it started drowning the Illinois and Indiana highways in SHEETS of rain.  Like many states, neither does a very good job of keeping up with the painting of lane lines or installing reflectors, so in a pouring rain at night you have NO IDEA where you are relative to the travel lanes.  It didn't help that the other truck drivers whizzing past me at easily 75 mph either knew the roads well, or had balls of steel.  I felt like a total rookie, creeping along at 60 mph, weaving back and forth as i tried to determine if i was about to hurtle us down an embankment.  At one point a friendly trucker barked through the CB, "England, you're scaring the shit out of me."  (truckers usually use the company of the truck they are talking to as an identifier in the absence of knowing your name).  Had i not been totally preoccupied with simply staying on the road i would have responded with an equally friendly "kiss my ass."

Problem is, in those conditions, there was no way i was going to drive as fast as the other drivers, but at the same time i was desperate to keep at least one of them in my sights to help mark the turns in the road.  I felt like the kid brother running madly behind trying to keep up with the big kids....

And it was a total RUSH!!  I loved it and didn't want the shift to end.

Oh, and apparently i wasn't shifting too well today.  At one point Fabrice/Mike shouted down at me from his bunk, "your downshifting sucks today".  With his accent, I thought he said "You need to buy some socks today."  Lol.  He was right on both counts.

Stay safe everyone.... If you begin to hydroplane, press the clutch to  the floor.  It allows the wheels to spin freely.

KWA

A good run of bad luck....

OK, yesterday and today were NOT our best days on the road.  We're all still getting along fine, but we had a number of mishaps that certainly convinced me no to bother wasting money on a lottery ticket.

And it all began about half way into Mike-just-Mike's drive shift....

Now, Mike-just-Mike and i are pretty equal as drivers.  We both drive pretty well, and we both struggle a bit with grinding the gears.  He started out better than me, but i have caught up with him.  He is, however, a little directionally challenged. Fabrice/Mike, for example, had to explain to him that if you are looking at an atlas, north is always up, west is always to the left, and so on.  And he was soaking this up as if it were completely new information.  Not that there's anything wrong with not knowing how to read an atlas -- i imagine that's somewhat common.  But for a driver to not be very clear on it is a different story, in my view.  And that's where we ran into  trouble.  You see, on at least one other occasion, MJM missed an interstate exit and we went about 60 miles out of our way, including having to pay an unnecessary $10 toll.  Fabrice/Mike paid the toll, but he wasn't at all happy about it (btw, F/M has a sense of humor, but we don't see much of it.  He's pretty much all business and also fairly shy -- a quiet combination).

Back to yesterday. We made a delivery in Santa Rosa, California.  For those who don't know the geography of West California, it is just north of Petaluma, north of the Bay Area.  Think Marin County, if that helps.  We then needed to head south with our empty trailer to Gilroy for another load of garlic bound for the east coast.  Gilroy is south of the Bay Area.  It's a fairly straight, easy  shot if you take I-880 through Oakland, which is on the EAST side of the Bay.

Well, we went south alright, but instead of bearing toward Oakland, we stayed on highway 101, which led us where?  You guessed it, downtown San Francisco!

Now, F/M is asleep in the top bunk, and MJM and I are both hoping desperately that he doesn't wake up because he'll be pissed.  Not only did it require an unauthorized $15 toll going over the Golden Gate Bridge (which MJM very quietly paid), but it caused MJM to be so stressed that he proceeded to grind the gears with almost every shift.  And being in downtown SF traffic, that's a LOT of shifting.  We were both SURE that F/M would wake up with all the grinding going on, and the starts and stops.  He usually wakes up when we even slow down, inquiring of us with a sleepy Haitian-French accent: "Where ah we? What's going ahn?  Why we stopping?"

Well, this time he didn't wake up at all (praise jeebus), and we plodded through the Rice-a-Roni city until we reconnected with 101 south.  Traffic was still heavy, however, and we were still on the wrong side of the bay.  All told, it cost us a good couple of hours extra time, but we were happy F/M stayed in dreamland.

Ah, but we're not done.  When we got to our pick up point in Gilroy (at about 9pm) we find that the gates are closed and locked.   At THAT point, we wake up F/M to tell him the gates are locked.  Well, he's picked up countless loads there at all times of the day/night and the gates have NEVER been locked, so he's really pissed because we have to make a delivery in Cleveland, OH at 6 am on Monday, which is a lot of miles.  So we spend about an hour trying to raise someone on the phone and trying to decide if we should try to scale the barbed wire fence, and if we have to scale the fence, that it should be MJM because he's the smallest (surprisingly, it did not come up that it should be him because his error made us late in the first place, and F/M never did ask why it took so long to get from Santa Rosa to Gilroy.  Oh well.  Sleeping dogs and all....).

A forklift operator finally realizes we are at the gate and comes over to let us in.  We pick up the load and head about four blocks away to a KFC, because we are all starving and we all love KFC.  Well, the KFC is closed.   Sigh.  So we settle for Jack in the Box, which was definitely less than satisfactory.

STILL not done.   It's F/M's turn to drive so he heads up I-5 to connect with I-80, which takes us to Cleveland.   Somewhere, i'm not sure where, at a weigh station we get pulled in for a random inspection.  They find a hose underneath the engine that "might" leak.  It's not leaking, mind you, but it MIGHT leak.  So we have to get it repaired.  As in, now.  So we wait at the weight station for six hours for the mechanic to show up and fix the problem while we are out of service.  If you don't think F/M is pissed now, you're wrong.  He's hot, because we are seriously behind right now and he's with a truck full of student drivers who are -- by CR England policy -- restricted to driving 5 mph UNDER the speed limit.  No way he's making up time with us!

And finally later today, we get... a... flat... tire.

Well, the upshot of all of this is that it's currently midnight, F/M is driving like a grumpy bat out of hell and we are hurtling along at about 80 mph to make up for lost time.  I'm in the upper bunk trying to do this blog and the drive is so bumpy that it's taking me twice as long as usual to write this because of all the typos i keep making with the truck bouncing so badly.  Do not hold me responsible for typos tonight....

Overall, I'M in a pretty good mood.  Just a bunch of adventures to write about :-)

We all had Taco Bell for dinner, so probably will all be getting gas....  At least we'll be asleep.  Except F/M.  He's having a bad day.

Stay safe....  Remember to do a thorough pre-trip inspection, making sure everything is properly mounted and secured, with no visible leaks....

KWA

You don't know what you got til it's gone....or at least absent.

WOW have i had trouble with this blog over the past three days!  First it appeared that my power charger had died, but that was not the case.  Instead, the power inverter on our truck died, which was my fault since my computer sucks more juice than the 250 watt unit can handle so i overloaded it and burned it out.  Then, with all the email changes to my accounts (needing to delete my armstrongpac email, that is) i couldn't find my way back to the home page that allowed me to edit my blog.   Well, i got it figured out so here i am!  Geesh.

What a sad couple of days it has been for me.  Been really missing things back home.  Have been driving at least once with a few tears:

I miss the girls. I miss hearing about their days, seeing their smiles, hearing the goofy things they say, talking about boys and friends and choir and school.  I even miss their fighting a little....  But try to limit the fighting, ok girls?  I love you.

I miss being married.  I miss belonging somewhere and having a home that waits for me.  I miss having a wife who wants to see me and hear how my day was and hearing how things are with the dog and the Capitol.  Sometimes the loss in this area is overwhelming....

I miss Mom and Dad and dropping by for a cup of coffee or a mid-week dinner and hearing the updates on how everything is going.  And watching Mariners games, now that they've figured out how to watch them on their TV! :-)  I miss being there for Mothers Day and Easter.

I miss good pizza.  I would kill for a slice from Walery's in west salem.

I miss being able to do laundry whenever i want and having clean clothes in the drawer every morning.

I miss my friends and joining the Martini Monday crowd, especially certain friends who -- due to my own fault -- are no longer part of my world right now (e.g., TVW, JS and RM).  I wonder if there is forgiveness out there.....

I miss golfing with my buds at Illahe, especially RPD, AZ/D and BB.  Now's when the great weather should be hitting and i'm not.  Hit 'em straight, gang. And have a cocktail for me.

I miss the crew at DaVinci and having a nice glass of wine.  Victoria, Jenn, Quentin, Kody, Mo, NADER.  Hope everyone is doing well.

I miss driving my own pickup truck.  Although i guess don't have it anymore.....  I'll just be renting a car for the few days i am in town on breaks from the road.  I guess there's no reason to have one when i'm only home for 2-3 days every couple months.

I miss Oregon's scenery.  Getting a little tired of the unbroken landscape of Nebraska (pic above), Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania.  Spending a LOT of time in the midwest back and forth on Interstate 80.

I miss having a day off.  Although i shouldn't complain, having just come off nine months of "vacation" (even though it really didn't feel like it....).

I miss being able to stay perfectly on top of my medications -- it's really difficult on the road.  And i'm not doing a really great job at it.  I think that's been affecting me the  past couple of days.  I was able to get to WalMart to fill 'scrips, so with a little preplanning it should work better.  One prescription requires a hard copy, so not sure how i'm going to deal with that one....

I miss going to concerts and playing music.  Hope the boys in Glass Engine were able to find a bass player that clicks with them. Hope Sean is doing well being the most  overworked drummer in the Willamette Valley.  Miss Loudzilla gigs.

I miss other friends and family who seem so far away: JKL, BH, SB, AMR, KG, SW, MC, JR, MA, Rumpus, JP/AJP/LP, JG, DL, JM, W&WM, S&JD, and so many others.

I do not miss the Oregon Legislature.

I am really glad that i've had time to do this blog, and that i've been able to renew connections with old dear friends, like Glenn Miller and Krista Davis.

Stay safe everyone.....Five miles an hour under the posted speed is a good rule.  Thanks MC.

KWA

Thoughts from the Great Midwest....

Drove all day through half of Nebraska and all of Iowa with a load of Gilroy, CA garlic bound for Boston, Rhode Island and Connecticut.  Frankly, a VERY boring drive.  Especially Iowa.  It's like a really boring version of the Willamette Valley -- with no hills to speak of.  Just mile after mile of rolling highway.  Every field, every farm looking exactly the same.  And the highway is full of trucks of every shape and kind.  It's all about trucks now....the red, blue, purple, black, yellow and white ones.  Carrying food, cars, heavy equipment, plastic pipe, socks and everything else imaginable. With cars buzzing in and out of us like gnats in campfire smoke.

It's been a melancholy day today.  As i reported previously, we don't talk all that much among ourselves, so we are in our own heads most of the time.  And today my head was swirling with thoughts of the pending divorce.  I guess there's really not that much i can say here, as most of the thoughts are so personal they don't seem appropriate to share.  But they generally fell into the categories of regret, fear, sadness, self-criticism, and very little looking back at happy times.  Maybe that comes later.... Hopefully we can escape this experience without the bitterness that often attends divorce.

The driving is a welcome distraction.  I really do love it.  There is something about being responsible for such a huge piece of cool-looking equipment that is both thrilling and terrifying.  It requires absolute focus and attention, which helps make the 11-hour shifts go by relatively quickly.  And every mile of highway rolls out in front of me like a grey carpet inviting me to explore the next mile, to see the next landscape, the next town where unknown people are living out their stories as i am living out mine. It is a very "connecting" experience with the rest of the country.  So far i have visited California, Nevada, Utah, Wyoming, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Iowa, Nebraska, Ohio, Illinois, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Michigan, New York, and Delaware.

But like a good friend told me recently, the road is a great pain killer, but a poor healer.   That's going to have to come from within.

We realized today that we have worked for about six weeks without a single day off.

I have found out a few small details about my truck mates.  Fabrice/Mike is about 35 and is a purple heart marine combat veteran.  He lives in Florida with his wife and son, and has been driving a truck for England for about 11 years.  Mike-just-Mike lives in Kentucky with his fiancee and her kids, and is a huge Nascar racing fan.  He is 37 and had a cancer that consumed nearly 50 percent of his body.  it now appears to be in remission.

FYI, i have a new cell phone now, and i welcome texts.  The new number is (503) 602-7782.  The old 559-3147 number is now out of service.   And my new email address is kenarmstrong123@gmail.com.

Went to WalMart today to get prescriptions filled (Wally World really is the most ubiquitous store in the country, making it very easy for road dogs to use its pharmacy).  Thank GOD for insurance!  What would have cost me $1,500 dented me only for the relatively low amount of $116 -- about two days wages.  That used to be about my hourly rate as a lobbyist. :-) At least i have my health, right?

Oh, we got showers yesterday.  Whew.  We needed them.  Still stinks like dirty laundry in here though....

Why the photo of Chip Kelly?  Because he's wicked cool.  'Nuff said.

Stay safe everyone....

KWA

A day in the life....

Today I drove through Nevada into California, including over Donner Summit, which is a pretty treacherous stretch of highway for trucks.  Picked up another load of Gilroy garlic and are now headed to Boston, Rhode Island and Connecticut.  It's about 11:30 pm.

In case folks are wondering what comprises a day on the truck: 

Essentially, we just drive around the clock.  Usually, my shift begins between 2-4 pm and goes until about 12:30 am.  It is CR England policy that apprentice drivers not drive past 1 am, since most accidents occur between the hours of 1-6 am.  Therefore, Fabrice/Mike (our trainer-driver) does the night shift.  Mike-just-Mike usually drives between 7 am and sometime in the mid to late afternoon.  I usually sleep until about 9 am.  By that time, we are typically stopped for fuel and we all grab coffee, a pastry or what-have-you.  We usually stock up on other drinks and snacks for the day.

Contrary to what you might expect, we really don't do much visiting.  Most of the time we're each in our own thoughts.  Fabrice/Mike usually sleeps most of the day, except for a couple of hours of monitoring what we are doing and where we are headed.  Mike-just-Mike and i visit a little bit, and have talked about things like his family in Kentucky.  He hasn't asked me any questions about me or my family.  I guess i'm just the curious one.  We also talk a little bit about next steps with CR England, for example, if we want to lease a truck and be an owner-operator, or if we want to be simply company drivers.  Owner-operators make more money per mile and have more freedom, but you are also responsible for all costs associated with the truck, fuel, etc.  So the burden is pretty high, even though you can make a whole lot more money operating that way.

 We usually stop a couple times a day at truck stops, which is usually a Flying J, a Pilot or a TA.  Although i'm not drinking alcohol anymore (haven't had a drink in 6 weeks), my diet isn't so great.  I have a terrible sweet tooth, so i usually buy candy to snack on.  Today we stopped at a Nevada TA (pix of Nevada attached).  The truck stop had a casino, of course, and the coolest collection of pistols and rifles i have ever seen, all from the old west.  It had replica pistols of Bat Masterson, Wyatt Earp and other famous lawmen/cowboys.  Very neat to see.  Kind of intimidating too!

It's probably gross to admit, but we only shower about once a week.  We brush our teeth, use deodorant and such, but we are running so constantly that we can't do showers that often.  Plus,  they cost $10 a pop.  Hygiene is expensive!!  I am in desperate need of doing laundry.

I typically do my blog after my driving shift is done, which, as i said, is about 1 am.

Well, don't have much else to offer this evening.  Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay safe....

KWA

Cleveland..... and thoughts of the kids. Not in that order.

Nothing more glamorous than picking up a load of hollandaise sauce from a warehouse in Cleveland, followed by 10 hours of driving west toward California for another load of garlic.

Nothing very exciting happened today.  As you can see, it was a rainy day in the home of the Browns.  What an appropriately boring name for a football team....

Just got off the phone with Abby, my 9-year-old (pink sweater, at left).  She already sounds older and more grown up than when i left a month ago.  She's getting ready to run in the Awesome 2000 race this coming weekend.  Sounds like her school is going really well, and she sounded great.  I also talked to her sister, Grace (grey dress, at left), but it was much more brief.  We have texted a bit though, and it sounds as if she's doing well also.

Oh, i would be remiss if i didn't point out my darling nieces AJ and Lucy, also in the pic at left. :-)

That's probably the hardest part of being gone and starting a new career -- not being around the kids and seeing them every week.  I really hope this career experiment doesn't prove to be a disaster as far as the girls are concerned.  They were very supportive of the idea when i first sprung it on them, but there was no experiential reality at that point.  According to their mom, though, they are doing very well and have adjusted nicely.  Kids ARE resilient.

Being away has definitely provided me with a renewed perspective on the need to be as involved and present of a father as is possible when you are on the road, and often thousands of miles away.  My folks are very active in their lives too, and grandma and poppa live in the same town, so that's a nice familial backstop.

They are such great, sweet kids....  They've been through a lot:  the divorce between their mom and me, lots of medication issues, school changes, now this divorce with Nicole (who they love very much).  I fear terribly that i am not the dad they need.  And i know that i have already exhibited behaviors and patterns that i hope to God they never experience or repeat.   But all of life is a learning experience, and i guess the best we can hope for is small steps of improvement every day, even after colossal mistakes.  Because without such mistakes we wouldn't be human, i suppose.  And we devolve without conscious efforts to better ourselves.  Hopefully, THAT is the lesson they can learn from me.

Good night kids.  Sweet dreams to daddy's girls....

Stay safe, everyone.

KWA

Arizona -- So far the prettiest state, by far....

A hard new development....

Driving through Oklahoma Sunday morning on way from California to Chicago with a load of Gilroy garlic.

When i started this blog, i promised myself that i would do it with unbridled honesty.  I decided that if it were to be a true journey of self discovery and personal revelation, that it had to include the ups as well as the downs, and that it had to be a sincere reflection of what was going on both internally and externally.  And it had to do so regardless of whether the result was flattering or condemning of me.

In that vein, i'm sad to report that Nicole (my wife) is filing for divorce. I suppose the particulars aren't important.  What IS important is that it's my fault, not her's.  I think it's fair to say that her decision is the result of two years of  my selfish, self-centered behavior that ultimately wore her down to the point that she could no longer keep her head above the water and had to get out in order to save her sanity and her self respect.

So what have i learned that helps ensure that i become a better person from this development, rather than continue in destructive behavior towards others and myself?

One thing i've learned is that i'm just not that important.  I am one of countless thousands of other truckers out there.  And our loads are mere drops in the bucket of America's commerce.  For example, the load of garlic that we are currently driving to Chicago is important, but it is ultimately easily replaceable.  No one's life depends on this load getting there.  If we were to have a mishap with the truck and lost our load it would be unfortunate (and i would probably lose my job), but the upshot would simply be that the receiver would just have to wait an extra day or two for their shipment.  There would be no substantive interruption that is noticeable to anyone other than the garlic shipper who lost the load.

The corollary to that is that i am supremely important in terms of ensuring that my load travels its journey safely with no damage to life or property on the way.  It is my responsibility to protect my space of highway while i am behind the wheel.  It's my job to look out for others, even when they are not looking out for themselves.  The application here, i think, is that i am finally recognizing a tremendous, selfless responsibility towards others (children, spouse, friends) that i have not necessarily taken seriously enough.  Instead, it's been more important for me to pursue my own ends and the impact on others has been somewhat secondary on the list.  Most people learn that much earlier in life.  I'm a slow learner....

Some may protest, "but Ken, you are still making this about you. What about Nicole and your girls?"  At least one person has already nailed me to the cross for my behavior.  Probably fairly.   All i can offer is that the only perspective i have is my own.  And the only thing i can change is myself.   And that's the purpose of this blog:  to provide others with a view of what i am doing and why.  And ultimately, this is to serve as a vehicle for self-improvement and self-salvation.  That's what this career change, this blog, this journey is about.  Thanks for reading.

Stay safe out there....

KWA