Day 7 -- Discouragement....

Hello all.  Well, today was a discouraging day....

Found out this morning that i did not get into the "Flex Program" i described yesterday.  They took eight students as the first cut, and i was not one of them.  I have to admit i was shocked, as i thought i had exceeded the program's criteria.   At least three other guys who had hoped to make the program (but did not) and i were discussing it, and were surprised by the selection of a couple people who did NOT participate in class anywhere near to the degree that we did.  We finally concluded that they may have had TOO MANY qualified people and just pulled names out of a hat.  To be honest with you it really frustrated me because i had really broke my back to do well in all of the qualification areas.  Oh well.  Such is life.  It's not always fair!

Second disappointment:  We spent most of the day working on angled backing of the trucks.  The maneuver begins by starting in the left lane of two parallel lanes. It consists of several steps: first, you back the truck to a 45-degree angle with respect to the trailer.  Second, you back until the trailer and tractor straight.  Third, you straight-line back the trailer toward the right hand lane.  Fourth, you turn the tractor at an opposite 45-degree angle.  Fifth, you straighten the tractor out in line with the trailer.  Sixth, you back the trailer straight back into a loading space.

And i totally sucked at it.

I practiced it five times and never did get it right.  The move is part of our "backing test" scheduled for Sunday.  We drive all weekend long -- no time off.  We had the option of practicing tonight until 9 pm, but i was just too tired and too discouraged to go at it again.  Plus, it's been snowing all day and i'm starting to come down with a cold, so thought i'd be better off resting.  I took a nap before settling in to do today's blog.

The thought struck me today, I've NEVER worked as part of a large organization.  In all my work experience, i have never worked in an organization with more than 10 people.  From the newspaper, to the Port of St. Helens, to the Oregon Public Ports Association, to running my own lobbying business, i've always been part of very small organizations.  And now here i am in school with over 60 people going to work for the same company that employs about 3,700 DRIVERS ALONE.  Talk about being a small fish in a huge pond! It's interesting to be embarking on something where, frankly, you're just not a big deal.  In fact, you really don't matter and are expected to simply perform the responsibilities of a very, very small cog in an exceptionally large machine.  And further, you probably won't even be NOTICED unless you do something wrong.

I have to say, that's kind of freeing in a way.  You're not EXPECTED to do anything other than your job.  Your not paid to fight with people.  Your success doesn't come at the expense of someone else or some other organization.  Your success or failure isn't in the hands of others, who often have far more ego than sense.  The stress i felt with that world was almost more than i could handle.  Which is why this new direction has so much appeal.

It is, however, very much a "what have you done for me lately" sort of world i now live in.  Did you learn what you needed to learn TODAY? Did the freight arrive on time TODAY?  Did you drive safely and avoid an accident TODAY?  But that's somehow a fair trade, to me.

Time for bed.  We do more truck backing tomorrow, and i'm hoping a little rest will help me have more success.

Stay safe....

KWA